for some reason iv'e been felling better. no reason. it all started yesterday...im definatly likin this.... ya so colins back. I have this eary feeling in my stomach that won't go away. This same thing happened when I went to Kwistian's in Ojai. Weird stuff. I think just the thought that he's back...and sooner or later im gonna encounter him. I just wanna see him. Give him a big hug. Thats all I want. I had a lot of fun tonight. I hung out w/ Max, Kwistian and Monique. Us four have a lot of fun together. It was tight. We went to Max's house, then downtown and got coffee and walked around a bit...then went to in and out. It was fun. Me, Max Kwistian and Monique have plans to play tag in Barnes and Noble. Thats gonna be soo awesome. Cant wait :) I realized last night that I got sick of crying myself to sleep...so I stopped..weird how i just stopped like that. But it feels hella good. talked ot a few people about something. For some reason two people in the same day like fully admitted they wanted me. Kinda random..don't think I sound conceited..I just like to write about this cuz it makes me feel better. Sorry. Well they ask me if they would ever have a chance with me...I tell them no because I'm not ready for anything...and the only one I want I can't have. I tell them who, and they tell me that he's a fag and he doesn't know what he's missing out on. Maybe he doesnt. Naw what am I thinking...I was a bad girlfriend anyway. I've been talking to my bros friend Mike for a while...he's the tightest in the world. He's always been the funny guy in the group...but hes cool at the same time. He wants to hang out when he comes back into town for the week. Im down. We are gonna go do somethin crazy like throw eggs at cars. gotta be some good times right there show? can't be more excited...im gonna tear it up on that stage...i've been workin hard...so everyone just watch out! well thats it for tonight...more later. x0x0, amanda aka a beans...the name still lives on...hopefully ps: DocDreds: i know you still have fellings 4 him god what the hell? how can people tell this stuff? do i have it written on my forhead or something? seems like it...