I knew last year that when this time came rolling about again, I would have flashbacks. I mean god, its almost been a year since all this happend and I'm still finding myself in a hole because of it? What the hell is my problem? I know what my problem is, I've become so desperate for someone that I've looked at my past when things we good to fall back on. I remember him giving Dylann, Zoe and I a ride to the Buena Ventura game and how cool it felt to be driving in his car. You see, I was a freshman who having a friend spend the night was an exciting weekend, so this was beyond anything. I remember talking to him online till 12, and my profile saying " I need a fucking Valentine" when the month of Feburary came rolling along. I remember walking into Drama and having Ashton (one of Colin's good friends at the time) scream at me."Someone has a crush on you!" I remember how happy I was when he asked me out on a date. I remember sitting at the basketball game with him, then the very first night at the Israels with him, him putting his arm around me, joking around about Tulloh and Hailey, him giving me a ride home. Then the next day at the movies. God. It all seems so long ago, yet so familiar. That whole weekend I know by heart, every word spoken, every witty remark, every joke. Depressing isn't it? Well it's over now, and always will be, and has been for a long time, so I think i just need to stop thinking about that. I know getting over Colin was easier when there was someone else, but it seems the idea of "someone else" right now isn't necessarily something I can get. I'll stop. Oh yeah, Julie and Jocelyn, I know you read that entry, and if you read this, then whatever. I could seriously care less. But just know that I WAS pissed off that night, and you NEED to stop being so self-centered. You know I love you guys, but just don't do it again. I am actually way excited about Saturday night. It's MORP (a dance for Buena,Ventura and Foothill) and Kaylyn, Mackenzie and I are going. It will be good to hang out with other people, I need a break. We are gonna drink, go to the dance and go man hunting...oh yess. -Amanda