It's funny how when your at home with nothing to do, your whole world seems to stop and your thoughts won't leave you alone. My best moments for my mind are those when I'm laying in bed at night waiting to drift off to sleep. Before I went to bed last night I looked at my yearbook from last year. I read what everyone said, things like "yess we aren't freshies anymore..." and "have an awesome summer and you better call me." Above all those was one used in almost every single entry "Good luck with Colin, you guys are too cute." It got me thinking. Turning the pages and ignoring my concience, I came across his entry. It started with "my A beans." I was his A Beans. No one elses. It got me thinking that I think I do miss him. But then I thought, umm Amanda, you've moved on hun. With all my thoughts going back and forth, I came to the conclusion. Ya, sure, at one time I did miss Colin as a boyfriend, but I think the thing that got me thinking was the fact that I don't miss Colin, I just miss what we had. With someone this year I thought that maybe something could happen, but we only climbed the first step. Some things aren't just meant to be. You live, you learn. "Amanda even though we don't hang out as much anymore, I still know you like the back of my hand." Maybe Marisa is right, I might like him, but I'm not sure. Not sure enough to tell anyone, or write it down in words. Someone today told me that me and him have the weirdest relationship, probaly because we were seeing who could make the best Nemo face. We sing Oklahoma songs, swing dance in the halls, and hide a pencil when we get bored. Sounds like a weird relationship to me. He was trying to crack my back, squeezing me until I couldn't breathe, and M said "see derek, you flirt with her all the time." Normally a guy would just be like "oh yeah right" trying to keep his cool and walk away, but he kinda laughed and kept squeezing me. Wow that sounds weird. I don't know, there is something about him. But whats wrong with shameless flirtation? Maybe thats where it stops. Maybe we are just friends and will never be anything more. Who knows, I just need to get my feelings straight. Maybe I'm in denial, probaly because I'm scared to death to give my heart away again. Having it been broken, and hurt does leave scars. Maybe those scars are to learn from. All I know is it gonna take me a while to ever give my heart out again, and to trust someone. Oh yeah, I offically detest my friends as of right now. Amanda