amanda is gonna have a happy spasm. Im sooo glad sit dairy is back. wellll....i wrote some entries while it was down....here they are: Ahh freaking sitdiary is down! Im depressed, but that is okay. Im just writing an entry on Microsoft Word then when the site gets back up and goin (hopefully soon) I’ll paste it on. So Kwistian and I had a bonfire tonight. It was fun. Kwistian is such a cool kid. I need to find that guy a girl. He deserves one. His dads house in Ojai on Wednesday. It’s soooo tight. I remember last time up there. Very fun night, but then again a lot of shit happened. It was the day after Colin told me “he needed his space”. I knew he was pissed that I showed up, especially since “he needed his space”. Whatever. We talked there, but I don’t know. Things about that night just creep me out. It’s probably going to be hard going back. Eric told me that he could tell I still had feelings for Colin, and I feel like a vulnerable dumbass. But then again, I did talk to Steve tonight. He told me that he talked to Colin a whole lot about me on the rides up to Santa Barbara for volleyball practice. Steve said that he liked me a lot, and that he still does like me. He told Steve tho that things were too weird. Hmm. Yah, things are weird. I think it’s just the fact that I really don’t know Colin anymore. He’s pretty much a stranger of my past. I can’t even remember his face. It’s just all a big blur. I want that clear vision back that I once had. But I guess for right now, the blurriness with have to do. “no need for reminding... you're still all that matters to me” -The Get Up Kids wow I’m turning into a little emo mutha fucka haha. Yeah and the player status? Hmm. I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. It’s not time for me to be doing this yet. I’m just not ready. All I freaking want to do is crawl into a hole and pretend none of this ever happened. I want things to be the way they were two months ago. Happy happy times. Just me and him. Things were fucking perfect. But I know I did basically cherish those times. I know that I would actually sometimes stop and take them in. But I don’t think they are worth it. It’s all just memories now. God what the fuck. Not matter what I talk about I just end up going back to Colin. Grrr. He’s been all I ever think about. Pretty much nothing else. Sucks for me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I just want him back. Can someone just wrap him up in a box and put him on my doorstep and then everything will be alright? Okay, sounds like a plan. My address is….. X0x0x Amanda next one(although i didnt finish it) Im goin NUTS without sitdiary. Grrrrrrr. Im really sad that Marisa told Colin about Eric. I feel really bad about it now. I seriously don’t know what hes thinking. But he said to Marisa,” At least someone is getting some play.” Ahhh. All I want to do is just go and tell him everything. How Eric isn’t close to being the guy that Colin is, even though Colin did do stuff to me that hurt really bad, I forgive him, and part of it WAS my fault. I should have been a better girlfriend. That’s one of the things I realized. We did go out for a long time, and I should have done something sooner. But I didn’t, and there is no turning back. I got his letter today. Tried so hard not to cry reading it. uhh yea... so now? uhh this has probaly been the worst day of my whole entire life. my best friend is moving. shes gonna be gone. not only is she my best friend, but she was my freakin neighbor. but shes gonna be gone. we cried like all day. she cant just leave me. shoot me while im down. worst dayy ever. i dont even want to talk about it. im gonna go. i got shiste to do. with love, amanda