It's definatly been awhile, and I somehow don't know where to start. The past entry? Yeah, Stacey isn't the most mature person in the world. But in someways I do understand why she got so mad. But sometimes when you have feelings for someone, you honestly can't do anything about it. Especially when the feelings are deep. In realitly, what is a 19 year old doing hanging out with a high school sophmore anyways? And now her new little victim is (or was) a freshman. I can obviously see where she gets the imaturity. She must feel sorry for her since she doesn't have any friends. And that is where I get this inner satisfaction. Whatever floats her boat. Dance is over. I'm not going to be in my dance company next year because it literally ran my life. I want to acually BE in high school. I think this will also help me be happier. This way I also won't have to prentend to be nice to ANYONE, which was actually starting to bug the shit out of me. I just don't want anyone to get the idea that I'm quiting dance for cheerleading. It's not like that at ALL. Even if cheerleading wasn't something to back down on, I wouldn't be dancing next year anyways. It just hurts how before the show I found two very immature away messages from two very imature people (you can guess who) but I obviously had to brush it off and pretend like I didn't care. But it did somewhat big me. Stacey's: Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded. And some weren't even dancers to begin with. ------------------ and you are supposed to be a mature 19 year old? ppuuhhhh ------------------ Katie's: Last show tonight! I'm really going to miss Amy...and ONLY Amy. ------------------ I think that one wins with the immaturity level. ------------------ All I have to say is this: Well, bitch, I'm sorry I have a life, and I'm sorry you don't. Just fucking get over it. And to Stacey: I'm sorry Allen wanted me, and not you. Too bad, dude. ----------------- Okay well I had to act immature just this once. Now that I got it out of my system, I will move on. Cheer camp was AWESOME. Exhausting, yes, but tons of fun. I'm really glad there aren't any bitchy/stuck up people on the squad, it makes things a lot easier. It's crazy that summer is almost over. And like every break from school we have, I've grown a lot. In the beginning I definatly grew into somewhat of a slut. At least I admit it. One week, I kissed SIX different guys. IN A WEEK. It was then I began to re-think myself. I think I just got so lonely (in a way) that the only way to get by was by kissing random people. But then, I met Allen. Through a series of times hanging out, I began to have feelings for him. From the begining, my whoreish instincts decided at one party that he was my kiss for the night.At this time, I had to kiss a guy every time I got drunk. I told you I was a slut. But yeah, I kissed him. Not a REAL kiss. But a kiss. It only made me hungry for more. The only problem was Stacey. That a WHOLE other story, but I ended up going for Allen. And well, I got him. I don't know how it started, but it started fast. My sluttiness faded, and I started to fall for him. At first, yes, I was scared and cautious, but he always reassured me. I thought it would only be a summer fling, but boy, was I wrong. It's something more than that. We decided to stay together when he goes to college. He leaves in 2 days. Honestly, I scared to death. I'm scared he is going to meet someone else. My freaking parents met in college and fell in love. What if that happends? It's just hard. But I really want to make it work. He is a really special guy, and I care about him more than anything, but I know it isn't going to be easy. At times I doubt myself. At times I think it will be okay. All I want is to hope for the best. I just don't want to get hurt again. I already love him. Thats all for now. ~Amanda