Some days are better than others. Some days I'm as high as a kite, and some days I'm so low I question why I'm still alive. It's been 3 months. 3 long, hard months. Why I'm still feeling this way, I have no idea. I'm a strong, strong girl. I've been through a lot. But at the same time, everything I've been through has made everything harder. I've always told myself each time a guy comes around that I'd guard myself. But something always gets me to fall. Come to think of it, I've barely ever protected myself. Now, whenever the thought of a boy comes to mind it's all negative. Not only with me, but with friends too. I don't want my friends to get hurt, and I'm always thinking negatively about their relationships because my hope for a "good guy" is gone. Ashley. Her boyfriend already told her he loves her. Part of me is happy for her, part of me is thinking that he told her this so he could have her. So that she wouldn't run and so he can do whatever he wants. Especially with other girls. When I think about relationships, I don't want one. I do want one, but I don't. The idea of getting to know someone, falling for someone, and then getting hurt seems so overrated. My walls are up, and this time they are cemented. No earthquake can break them.