omfg yesterday my step dad caught me and my boyfriend about to have sex. so now im on punishment for christmas, no trust, and my boyfriend had to tell his dad so now everyboyd is dissapointed in me. but i wouldnt change that day for the world. we connected and smiled and starred at each other. for that moment i was in complete bliss. they dont know this, but they cant take it from me. i dont like it when people are dissapointed in me. its as if they expect me to be more responsible than the adults. and i am not looking forward to living my life in that house with my parents all day. if you dont here from me in five days ive killed myself. i dont know how things will go with my boyfriend right now. i mean i am not mad at him or anything and its nobodys fault but ours but ive been through this before and i lost that last guy. im just getting ready to lose him too i guess. i can just see it. the whole world will know about this and i wont care, because not only is it none of their businesss but if they have never made a mistake then they can judge me. i just dont like for people to be dissapointed in me. i am my mom's hero, until now. my boyfriend. i doubt he knows what is about to happen. they are afraid to leave me at the house alone. so now if a parent is not home neither am i. i am with the parent of their choice and i am doing what they want me to do. i have lost all total freedom. i feel like yellin at my mom b/c she never gave me a chance. when we would talk about sex it would always be dont do it, never well if you do. so how was i to know what to do? i mean ive got so many secrets. the only reason we told them the truth is b/c i am sick of lying. i have been doing this for three years and it is getting old. i knew i would lose my freedom and i was ready. if it takes that oh well. she cant lock me in the house forever. then i can just become to school slut, doing it in cars during lunch or something. or i canjust stay locked up and then go girls gone wild in college. b/c believe me im going. i also dont like this b/c now look i have to rethink my sexualness. not if i am gay or bi or w/e just do i want to continue having sex. and i dont know. lol honestly me being me the first thing that comes to my head is hell yes. but i will never get caught again. and when i am 18 i will tell my mom mother i am grown and living on my own what i do is of my business only until i want to tell you. i know that sounds harsh but my mom is the type of lady that that is exactly how you have to tell her. straight up dont beat around the bush with her. or she will take your kindness for weakness and try to push you over. she was right for naming me Tara, strong tower, or soldier for God. because that is what i am strong and unbreaking and i will not fall. i have to think about this sexual thing much longer and then if i ever talk to my boyfriend talk to him about it too. oh by the way my cousin is still fuckin my ex, and the other day like i said he was here. that disgusted me. and now i have decided there is no way in this world that i could ever love him again. he has taken from me all of my happiness and broken my heart so many times there are no pieces left to beat for him. what he does is his business which was already decided and he doesnt know she is my cousin, but she knows so as far as i am concerned its fuckin over and when i see her she better hope i dont whoop her fuckin ass. i dont feel sorry for either. and hell i expected it. he's a boy and she's a slut a ruthless slut at that. it was expected its not okay but it was expected. anyways this is so long i bet its boring so ill say bye until a later time. ~TARa~ by the way is it bad to say fuck this bitch and i hope the bitch dies if you really mean it but your talking bout your family? honestly i dont care ill say it if i want b/c i mean it. but i just wanted you guys opinion. in fact i want you to know something about these two. safari only made it to the tenth grade b/c of me, and lachorea only has a self esteem b/c i build it up for her. i gave her the world on a silver platter and she gives it up for some sex. though i got to admit safari does that pretty well.i wonder if he kisses her with those lips that he puts on hidden places in my body? i wonder if those lips have visited the lips concelled by panties on her body too? i wonder if i ask chorea about what she will say? how will she hide? what she will do? i wonder if she knows that she has one of the ugliest fuckin names in the world. Lachora, it sounds as if it was a chore to carry her. a chore to raise her, and its a chore to be apart of her. maybe its the truth.