i am very very sad. and very very angry. i am very very stressed. and i dont like feeling this bad. i guess i havent updated because i figuere. WHAT IS THE POINT OF UPDATING, IF EVERY TIME YOU DO YOU HAVE THE SAME MOOD??? Lajeffrey's going out tonight, with his boys. like every day of his life. to get fucked up. and i am so sick of that. i want a fuckin sober at least 16 hours of the day boyfriend. i thought i could take it but i was wrong and now i feel like shit because i am the one who can not walk away. i usually sit and wait for him to get through with his boys while him and his guys get fucked up. i could be like his guys girlfriend's who sit and wait for their guys to get through but i dont want to. i guess what i am saying is i am tired of lajeffrey and i wish i knew how to walk away but i dont so i cant and i am very sad. i gave him that letter today. i know he's going to read it. he said he didnt. he's a liar though. i know i will be embarrased and put to shame like last relationship but hey if i feel this way hiding it makes no sence. telling yourself the truth is one step from being free. and i just want to feel better. i just want to be free. b/c right now i dont even want to breathe without him. too sad and depressing for me. luv always sugah