i know how it feels to feel alone in a room with one thousand people. i dont know about yalls new year but mine was pretty ummm. crunk. i guess i realized it was umm. a day. like any other day. christmas was like that too. i think. i must have shedded all of my innocence. because all seems just a lil lost. all of the joy of something. like the day i lost the joy of being a year older. it sucked. because i always care. until then. i feel alone. and maybe like im in love all alone. ever been the only reason there was still a relationship? well i think that is what i am. the glue. and the wall. not holding anything up really. just holding him back. or blockin him. from doing what he really wants to do. i kind of feel bad about it. but i dont know for sure. i am really insecure. i feel good to say it aloud. but feels horrible to be able to do nothing about it. really horrible. b/c i cant trust. cant love. the night before i was really all crunk about being totally in love with aaron. and then i realized. maybe im in love by myself. what if i am. w/e i am. i am going to give him all of me. for reals this time. i dropped safari. and it felt good. i dont know if he cared. and he wont till his dick is numb with boring sex. anyways im boring my damn self. and i am here all alone. so ill end this journal. and reply to the ones that care.