I cheated on my boyfriend. With my ex. Again. Oh well. Yes. Truely. Oh well. Im beginning to fall out of love with Aaron. Not that I'm fallin in love with Safari. Just out of love with Aaron. Perhaps I will always love Safari. No matter what he does to me or for me. And Aaron doesn't care. Or are we falling out of love because he doesnt care. My friend got dumped yesterday. Its a teen homosexual relationship. And the guy just decided that being homosexual was just something he did not want to be. It broke my friend's heart. it broke my heart too. He is not intrested in mending it at this moment either. I guess we are both bent out of shape. I look for love in the arms that I remember. And for a moment it seems like i find it. My friend allows himself to parish because of love. I guess we dont have to ask what the problem with love is. As me and my ex sexed each other we had a convo. I asked him who fucked better. my cousin or me? and was she good? and how good? and what does she do? lots of strange questions. I just forgot to ask are they going to fuck again. Im not worried though. Its expected. And that is sad. Im really sad. I dont know how to function well at this moment. I cant feel. Im almost numb. But not completely. I feel pain. I feel hurt. I feel anger. and I feel frustration. Im so frustrated that it appears to me that my relationship is going down the drain and he doesnt care. and that makes me angry becaue i care. and the pain will hurt and i will cry. and i will fall into a world of depression. and call into dispair. who will save me this time? why can't i save my damn self? well as you see im in no mood to be cheary. i wish i were. Christmas is tomorrow. I hope I am able to smile for Christmas. and truely be happy. I hope my mom doesnt ask me what is the matter. because i will say nothing. and i will be lying. i dont want to lie. in fact i just want to talk to somebody. maybe tonight safari will come by and help ease my pain. or maybe a friend will advise me against it and i will save my damn self. i dont know which one i hope to happen. can somebody from here help me please?