a beautiful woman died last night. left behind four beautiful children all under the age of twelve. she committed suicide you could say. swallowed bout an ounce of crack. all in good thoughts. the results fatal. she didnt mean to have to do it. but i guess she figuered in the heat of the raid. "do i leave my children to the prison system or do i just take my chances and swallow this??" she picked swallow. now her children and all of the family is trying to figuere out how to cope. no immediate family is around. except for the childrens dead beat dad. he's going to take them in. but what a way to have to do it. to have to meet and live with your father only because your mom is dead. a beatiful almost a year old boy died tuesday. there are many alligations over this case though. little or no facts as to how either. some say his head was caught between the bars of his crib. some say sids. the cops are investigating. hopefully this death was not intentional because she has a little girl that she cant leave behind either. im sittin here trying to figuere out if i would have swallowed it too? how would i cope if it happened to me. could people leave me around anything or alone ever as i tried to? would i ever? and how in the hell does God decide when it is time to come home? dang. i wish he would have patients with me and the rest of my loved ones. i need time. im barely getting over past stuff. i dont need something added to my future. right now i just want to be with lajeffrey. he always makes it better. we are very unastablished. he calls me scrub i call him punk. lol we are not together. call ourselves single. can do anything we want to. but wont, b/c we have each other. maybe you call us an open relationship. I dont know. i need to be where he is at b/c there are moe people to bring me out of this. and shoot he is all i need. got to go luv always sugah