stress over load. doing things in manuel mode. not sure what the hell i am doing anymore. too many rumors. too many lies. too many got damn opinions of my life. too many requirements. too much too much. lost my check. i lost fuckin money. some bitch says i am fuckin everybody on d block (domard street) because her man wants to fuck me, and likes to make her jealous by telling her little lies. i will make her pay. sooner or later. the way unsure. guys are askin me if i am pregnant. they say its a rumor that they heard. not intrested in where it began. not interested in solving it. not pregnant so i wont say i am. cant wait till they stop asking. cant wait till the starter tells it on themselves. the truth will come. staying with my aunt and uncle this week to get back on track. means no internet outside of school. big bummer. life is going to suck maybe. but maybe not. too many requirements. too much to make up. not sure of what to do. body still bleeding. should go to the doctor. cant do it. not enough privacy. too many rules. probation officer and mom on my ass. too much too much too much ashamed of my horrible past so erasing all possible memories. including diary entries. cant live like this anymore. society has made me weak. ive broken me down. and now everybody might just be watching me drown. decided that no matter what happens in life i will always love lajeffrey. just like sheinne. chicos that teach me stuff and leave me peacefully always have my love forever. its crazy. he's taught me so much. brought so much joy to my life. and just been there every step of the way. sometimes i look at him and smile. he always wants to know why. i guess i am too shy to say boi i love you so much just because you are you. its weird ya know. i mean ive felt this way before but its just a lil different. maybe cause its not over yet and all of those other feelings are only memories that i cant faintly feel at times. you know its crazy how u can always feel heartbreak just like the last time and stronger.