maybe its good this thing is fuckin up. that way i cant write senseless entries of my every thought. naw this last one made sense. but its clearer now so ill write about it. lajeffrey is movin schools and iam so sad. i want him to be there with me so bad. he makes my day shiny and bright and without him school will be once again boring as hell. i can tell i am about to be a bitch a while again. hopefully time will pass quickly or track will warm me up. good weather is coming too. hopefully. i was wanting to get back with aaron. once i got my shit together and all ya know. but then today his cousin was all in my business again behind my back and i remembered why this relationship was so hard in the first place. too many family members!! big families!! his family doenst know what business is their's and shit!! so fuck that.life goes on ya know? 2 bad without him. umm today i was just blabbin my jabbers thinking it was lindzey and then i looked at the screen name and there was an "M" in it. i was like shit this is mattie huh. and like u know we've had problems and i am violent so she was scared. then i reassured her there were no problems and i had simply mistook her for somebody else and that we were cool for now. we talked and i was like im sorry i know u didnt want to hear that about lajeffrey and she was like naw its cool and over and at least he's doin good by somebody. i told her i knew where she was lying and i had put two and two together. she was amazed at the fact of how cool i was about it. me too. b/c i hate being lied to. but i understood this one. a broken heart spoke for her that night. and fear of losing me spoke for him. oh well life goes on. just not as good as before. hopefully he doesnt leave me for that other schoool. lol i can feel a hell wave coming on.