hey all beginning to think emotions are artificial since im on the Happy Pill and it seems to be controlling how i experiance everything. have a steady job with a steady pay check and life is fine, or so the pills tell me to say. havent named the baby, dont know if its a boy or a girl (it doesnt matter) its due on the 28th of january. might have fibroids, might have a type of abdominal cancer from having PIDS (pelvic inflammatory disease) for too long. believe it or not std's can go on undetected, plus PIDs can manifest itself in the body through an imbalance of hormones, and i cant say that hasnt happened to me. so on and so on that is what i tell the world. REALLY im struggling im not happy and i want to die. im on happy pills if i can remember to take them but ide rather just light a blunt. by the way im carrying im having a boy and really im real scared to have anything. fraid he'll be like his father or that she'll be like me. scared this is the end and my dreams stop right here. he (lajeffrey) hasnt come around. in fact he is back into denial. or am i. i keep dreaming that things will change and get better but then its back into reality, which by the way really sux. i could have kept lying but this is my diary i shouldnt have to lie to it. now i know without a doubt what it feels like to wear a mask. nobody knows who i am and i doubt anybody ever will because ME has been scared back into its inner hull of protection. Shame on you world!!! you bad bad place.