maybe you dont know my history. but to sum it all up i am a product of a divorce. i am the product of denial. and please avoid my mistakes. these terrible hauntings that affect who i am every day of my life. Dear Diary 3:34AM sometimes i realize why iam doing some of the things that i do. sometimes i just breakdown and i cry because i just saw the root of my pain. sometimes i wonder why my daddy isnt home. you know.. how come i wasnt good enough for him to stay?? what exactly did i do wrong?? alot of the time i never realize just how much i need him to be daddy and not just my personal bank account. and sometimes i want mommy to fix it like she did when i was two... you know. make it all betaw. today i watched antwuan fisher, today i saw my pain, today i connected with all of that pain. today i cried on trey's chest, today i simply bawled, and today i saw yet another fucking problem with myself. i try to make them love me. they as in the men in my life. all of them. no matter how much they ment or did so little in my life. approval. the big OK. i never thought ide be "the girl looking for love", but then again. i dont think i ever realized just how much i needed it either. sincerely Tara