o my gosh. I told God that I would let him handle it and that I wouldn't worry about it. But honestly, I am a worry wart at times and can't help to think about my future. I mean I am not even sure anymore if rather I want to be with Aaron or if I am so tired of feeling pain that I would just rather be alone. Rather we took a break or we just tried to hold it out it wouldn't matter. To me a break is a way of saying it's over. You don't have to return to a break. I never do. Honestly, I want to be with whomever can make me happy more than he can make me sad. It's gotten worse. I go to school to be with LaJeffrey, I kiss him in public, and I think of him as often as a suicidal person thinks of death. Appearantly, he is always and forever on my mind. Say his name and I smile. Say Aaron's name and my face looks as if I have bad gas. I mean it's because I have given up, I have no moral support, and there is nothing I can do and I see that. I realize that life goes on with or without him, but I am not sure rather that is the way I want it to be. I do realize that we can be friends but like I said I'm not sure if that is what I want to be yet. Can I get some help. People read over my worse times, they all deal with him, or simply read a few of my diaries and you all tell me rather is worth sticking around for or kicking to the curb. thanx. luv always Sugah