hmm today was a pretty good day i guess you could say. I mean overall nothing is ever as bad as it seems right then and there. My dad pissed me the fuck off though, I asked for $300 for my birthday (since he isn't paying child support on time anyways), and gave him my intentions on the money, which was: clothes, shoes, and room adjustments. Can you believe that mother fucking only sent me $100!! he didn't even meet me half way. Another thing, i went to my brother's house hoping to see my man. No luck. i cant really get mad at the fact that i didnt see him because we didnt discuss me coming over. But when he did finally come over there he got mad at me b/c i was sleep and didnt greet him all that well and then well i got mad b/c he was leaving so his goodbye (mine to him) was pretty sucky and he got mad at that. From that point i had decided that i was gone for good walking out the door and if he could, he could try to catch me. Really and truely i am very sick of boys. if that makes me a dike well then so be it im a dike but i am so sick of boys. i dont want to answer my phone to any of them and i gave my mom special instructions to tell them i am away or sleep if they call. Well for shit like that i had to hit the gym and do a serious work out. I came out feeling so much better but I decided he(my dad) still needed a letter to see how i feel about this (he does this everytime), and I think i did a pretty good job at remaining polite about the situation. Then i decided that I did in fact want to talk to Jeffrey and that maybe im about to come on my period or something b/c iam really emotional right now and think silly things only to dismiss them before i can even remember what I was thinking about. Safari called. about five mins after i got off the phone with jeffrey. bribed me with $100 and boy for all these bills did i want it. when it all came down he was mad b/c i didnt kiss him or let him touch on me. i told him the stitch before i came though (he knows iam in a very serious and happy relationship, why waist it on him). i should have known. oh well. b4 i came i told him that if he was lying (it being so late in the got damn night and me having school in the morning)he could consider himself invisible to me from now on, because i would be pretending that he was not there. he was so pissed at me I dont think he cares. he will later, but really and truely later wont come soon enough. i have bills. a $300 cell phone bill, $20 for my dog, and things i just really HAVE TO HAVE is growing like weeds. I need to get a job, man I've applied at like 10 places and not one person has called back yet. How does this job thing work? I am working on four hours of sleep. I hope i dont crash out on my desk today. luv always Sugah