hmm. well last night i wrote this beautiful diary and guess what. it took me so long to perfect it that when i saved it, it was no longer there and i was so damn pissed. oh well. today's a brighter day. ive skipped 4th, 5th, and 6th. i know i have alot of absences. (lol) probably too many. but i deserved that break. well i dont know. i talked to lajeffrey about his drug use. i told him that i dont want him to do it as often. in fact. i just thought about it and i am lying. i didnt talk to him about it. i just told him what i wanted him to do. and i didnt explain myself quite well. we'll talk about it later (me and him). well talk about a lot of things later. we had a huge arguement saturday and i told him it was over. we got over it through conversation (no fighting) because umm he called my cousin (who was on his side anyways b/c he is a boy) and said his name was brittnei for me to get on the phone. i asked him is he sure he wants to be with me b/c he hurts me like he doesnt, and alot of stuff. i made sure that i didnt run and jump into just b/c i cant breathe when we are not together. he sounded like i am what he wants and that he was sorry for neglecting me the way he did. i cant really complain though. b/c i never voice my complaint. its fine now. we are both getting better. i guess i just need to voice my opinion more (he damn sure does). he scared the shit out of me b/c (FOR ALL YOU VIRGINS CLOSE YOUR EYES OR SKIP DOWN VERY QUICKLY!!) we were having make up sex, and he tells me he wants me to have his baby. which is all great only he tells me that in the middle of sex and its all unprotected. talk about killing the mood. so anyways. about my new and brighter day. umm well its going goood so far. i guess i just realized that there are some subjects i didnt cover and that i am still that girl who will throw away a fine bottle of wine for some cheap everclear. history and love for passion and a cheap thrill. which explains how i was pushing him away these past couple of days, making myself miserable, finding all of his faults. trying to find some way to lose him to so i could find myself single and able to holla at Shanne. yall all know that story but in case you dont (we were madly in love and he got scared plus none of his friends liked me so he ran and left me heart broken). ive learned my lesson, ill stay with my fine wine and wait till its over and at a full stop. then ill move on. after time you know. take time to heal. b/c i have realize im a game to alot of guys and till i can realize to make sure i am not their joke anymore ill have to be alone. (after jeffrey) luv always sugah