i am very unhappy. if only for a little while. and i want to get away from you. God forbid im having your child. your making me angry. i wish i were numb. im so tired of feeling. feeling so got damn dumb. i know you dont love me. i know im just your favorite. i cant believe i am still here. knowing all of this. somebody tell me the formula. the formula for eternal joy. and while your at it. give me a spaceship toy. so i can play with it. and act like it is taking me away. or maybe like it is killing me. so i wont have to cry another day. things are going so bad. you've made me play games with my wrist. where i draw on it with a razor. and cut tiny little slits. i guess im going crazy. and im not making much sence. i wish i didnt feel like this. diary i wish i could explain. jeffrey's on those drugs again, nortabs, alochol, and weed. why me?? why do i know him? why did you let me love him? why was i such the fool?? why did i do this to myself??