I've never had to write about something like this. I hope I don't have to much more. I think about what has happened to me in the last week and I just feel like such a different person than I've ever been before. I found out that one of my friends, Matt, killed himself early last week. I've heard about kids my age killing themselves, but the thought of a kid that relates to me, that listens to my music, that I go places with, killing himself... before then, it just wasn't plausible to me. I won't ever forget this kid. And I just can't help but think that maybe I was part of his decision-making. There were so many times that that I just had somewhere else to be, some other priority. I never seemed to have the time for this kid... I only had time to go out to lunch, to make 7/11 runs, or to give him rides home. But the one thing that puts a smile on my face is knowing that this kid died knowing what Jesus had done for him. And for what it's worth, even though it's so cliche, he's in a better place. Prior to his death I didn't have to worry about funerals, or not getting to say goodbye... there was so much time in front of me, and I think I can safely say that I'm a completely different person than I was a few days ago. I also got a call on Thursday night saying that my grandmother had had a stroke. I didn't know how to react, I didn't know if I should go to the hospital or what. I had never dealt with something as serious as this before, but I was told just to go home. I had woken up on Friday at about ten and gotten up to find a note that read something, if I can remember correctly, like this, "Hey David, hope you slept well, I just talked to your mother, and your grandma isn't in very good shape. They don't think she'll make it until tomorrow. All we can do is pray. I love you son." My heart sank when I read that note, because up until then, death was just so far away. I had always had my grandmother's health issues in my life, her surgeries, her recoveries... but never anything this tragic. I've never experienced a loss like this before in my life. I went through the day as usual, as I had been instructed to, and went rock-climbing with Ian. I returned to the house, and called my mom to see how she was doing, and I asked her how my grandmother was, and she stalled for a moment, "Grandma died honey." I couldn't believe it, I still am at a loss for words. I just sat quiet for a while and thought myself about everything that's going on. The next day (Saturday) I went to Matt's funeral with Laurie and Paul. I don't think I'll ever forget the scene, the people, the feeling, the impression this kid had made on this many people's lives... suddenly gone. He left this world in such an abrupt way, it was so strange to see someone that I shared stories with at lunch everyday, someone so full of life, silenced... dead. I'm going to still live my with passion and love, and I'm not going to wreck it with so much negativity like so many people my age. I still have yet to finish this chapter in my life. My grandmother's funeral is this Wednesday, and the whole family is in town. I think the one thing about my grandmother's death that will stay with me the most is something my mom said to me. She was talking to me on the phone, and she had asked me if I would be honored enough to be one of the men to carry my grandmother's coffin, and I said absolutely. She started to cry, and I asked if she was okay, and she said, "That is so nice, David." I still get tears in my eyes thinking about that and the impact that I can have on people in this life. It's late so I need to get to bed, but I wish all of you the most joyful of days, and restful of nights to come. Sleep well everyone.