It’s the last week of my freshman year of college. I’m at a pretty good spot right now. Pretty comfortable. I’ve been trying to write songs lately, like I always do, with minimal amounts of real song-writing actually taking place. I’ve had this expectation since I started playing guitar that I would just write incredible music and everyone would want to hear it. That’s not true. The idea of me being a song-writing prodigy is a notion that I’m slowly and hesitantly letting go of. Speaking of one such notion, I talked to Mariana last week. I established a bit of a compromise with her. We decided not to talk until I get back from Argentina (apparently she backed out). I had been in a much better place since that conversation last Wednesday night until tonight. I have her password for her Myspace account. It’s deceptive, I know, and I don’t get anything out of it but pain every time, but I convince myself it’ll change something every time I log on, but it doesn’t. She hadn’t really gone on that frequently, until tonight. I read a message she wrote to her ex-boyfriend James that read something like, “Hey, can we be friends? I need someone to talk to because my life is too hard right now, and I keep telling myself to call you.” This changes things a bit. She knows, better than anyone else, how to make me feel useless. I don’t want to her to talk to a boyfriend she said was, “psychotic, abusive and violent.” Why the hell does she want him so bad? How the hell did she date him for 8 months before breaking up with him, and just 6 months with me? I wonder if she’s statistical like that. I’m excited, but anxious to see how this plays out. I told her how I felt, and I still don’t really know how she feels about me. I want us to get back together. I want to be with her. I still just don’t know. I need to keep distance like I had for the last week though. I got a lot of thought out the way when we were like that. I’ve got finals the next 3 days. Should be good. Not. I want to get stronger in this regardless the result. I hope to trust God regardless. Note: Kevin Yule saved your life this last week. He was there for you like never before. Sleep.