Figured I'd take a break from required writing to do a little recreational writing. College is good. I'm having fun. My classes are good with the usual weird exceptions (nothing too huge though). I'm getting paid a lot more for my photography which is pretty weird, especially this early on in my picture-taking. It's cool though because I'm actually getting to the point where I can see professional photos in magazines and on billboards and stuff and actually view those images as feasible accomplishments and that I might be capable of not only taking an image of that capacity, but editing one like that. I got about $1000 worth of pro photography software from my aunt last week, so stuff like that isn't terribly inconceivable anymore. Let me talk about Mariana for a second. I like her lots. I think she likes me too. Which is good. She's one of the people that I've cared about the most for the last few months and it's cool because I know she's at the exact same place I am in life. She's starting college, she's a J-High staffer, she's incredibly passionate. I wish I was as strong-willed as she is though. She's been through way more in life than me and she's a few months younger than me. She's got some serious stuff that she's dealing with right now with her family and I can safely say that I want to be there with her when she goes through all of this. I look up to her so much. She calls everyday too. Okay. So I've been good lately too, but I guess I just thought that college would be less personal than it is. I know an okay amount of people here, but I feel an incredible separation from them solely due to the fact that I: 1. Don't drink. 2. Don't do drugs. And 3. Participate actively in a church. I feel like most of the people that I've met here who are freshmen as well feel like they have the freedom to be as bad of an individual as possible just because they can. They're no reason to be a bad person, it's just not nice. It's strange too because 80% of the new freshmen here walk around with an angry defensive scowl on their face. I don't know if it's just a defense mechanism or just a means of blending in, it's weird to see though. You can't walk around here at night without getting an incredibly crude comment (or a few comments) tossed at you from someone who would otherwise have been a good friend of yours or a kind acquaintance. It's the same in college as it is in high school only exaggerated. Guys who are nice but have low self esteem are jerks when they group together and girls who are nice but have low self esteem wear inappropriate clothing and drink too much alcohol to try and impress those guys who are just as broken and just as in need as they are. I've gotten some weird stuff out of college small group and the Element the past few weeks, one of which (which I mentioned a few entries ago) is a warning that I might fail and I might fall away. The other is that I'm here in Manzanita for a reason and even if I don't get the most out of my time here for myself, someone will be changed because I'm here. Both of those situations people have mentioned to me have freaked me out. It's not that I don't think I can lead people by example, I just don't know how. Especially with people in this situation. It'll be weird for me. I'm going to try and keep on writing about this so my writing doesn't become too research-oriented or psychology-centered... I know how much my professors would love that... I wouldn't though. Okay. Goodnight.