Half-awake, still dreaming, the sudden shrill of a voice shouting in a language I at first mistook for Spanish, my waking brain finally deciphered as the words "I'm moving out". My eyes flashed open in alarm, but my body remained motionless; I know by now how to avoid third-degree burns from walking into fire. The Lady and the Queen continued to fight as I lay frozen. Their voices trickld away as they moved further away down the hall and, not long after I had first heard anything, there was silence. I got up, feeling miserable. Suddenly all the happiness and excitement that had built--up inside of me deflated as I looked in the mirror at a figure that had, by no real surprise, inflated. The spell is broken. Once again I'm afraid of going Over There, of speaking to Her, dreading when we have to go shopping for food for the week because she wasn't invited to go with us. The situation is disgusting and disturbing; Who should apologize? Why is an apology necessary? So much for those seperate lives we thought we were going to have. The Queen had other plans. And the Carpenter, too. And while things continue to go their way, every night I greet the Lady with the dismal news that the Carpenter's been elsewhere, that the Queen got this and that, and no, this didn't get finished today. My Lady, the breadwinner, is always placed last. We leave tomorrow morning. I'm so relieved that my Bear is coming with me, I can't even tell you. This way, should anything turn ugly, I can grab his hand and run. I don't really want to be running from anything, but I can't take a stand on either side. Even though my parents are together, I believe I still suffer from the battles of divorced parents, pulling their children to one side of an argument. I can agree, I can disagree, and I know I see so much more than either one of them do. "After so many years of marriage, how is it you still don't understand each other?!" I get you. I know what makes you happy. I know what matters most to you. Well anyway, I'm packed. For the most part. I'm looking forward to taking pictures, and reading on the porch. I'm excited about spending time with Tim and Jackie. I'm even excited about having Pony and Joey; they're staying the night tonight, their first sleep-over at our new house. I guess, for now, all I can do is keep playing happy music to put me in a better mood; wear comfortable and complimentary clothes so I don't have to see what I know is there; busy my self in little tasks so I don't have to think. I just hope tomorrow, once we get out on the road, that they'll both just relax and let go.