well i dunno, i was happy, after that bad day becoming a good day. but alas. a week later, and here i am, dead. well lets see i talked to the guy online, discovered everything i needed to know, however did not WANT to know. nor hear. "we're friends nothing more.." nice huh? well its blunt enough. no more hope, thank god. i cant stand hoping. its worse than dying i say. i mean, hope is that little shred of false happiness that everyone has to keep themselves sane. seriously, the suicidal people, who havent quite done it yet...what do they say...maybe tomorrow will be better...maybe someone will miss me blah blah blah....thats hope. and i say that they should just jump off the bridge and get it over with coz when they realize tomorrow DOESNT get better, then theyre even more upset than they were in the first place because they got their hopes up and then shot right back down to the ground. i hate hate hate doing that to myself, which is exactly why i wouldnt let myself completely open my heart to anyone, i always had that little pecimistic(?) skepticism...which most people say is unhealthy but hello! just look at what happens to the optimists out there--they jump off a bridge when they realize there is absolutely nothing to be all sunshine and rainbows about! well anyway my little skepticism kept me from getting even more hurt, although i was DAMN close after what happened two weeks ago, everyone telling me that he did infact like me after everything that had happened, and then came my optimistic side--a side very well kept supressed and hidden from the world coz that side eventually makes me wanna jump off a bridge--my "happy" side (im never truly happy, just momentarily unaware of the shit of my life) almost fully opened up thinking he liked me..... o wait o wait. NAW he doesnt. never did probably...or even if he did, i did something to fuck it up--as per usual. but yeah, and what did i want to do? jump off a bridge. actually i wanted to hang myself, but now it has evolved into jumping off a bridge. so yeah, being optimistic and hopeful just makes things so much worse in the end when it all gets shot down, i say be pecimistic! be bitter! that way if something.....well we cant say good, nothing good happens to people, just a lapse of unpleasant events....happens to you, then u are pleasantly surprised. so all is well in the world of pecimistic assholes. goodnight.