haha today started out sucky. again. as usual. GOD how immature is this...i mean i smiled and waved, he barely acknowledged that and looked away instantly. then of course as soon as the bell rang he HAD to get his stuff right away and flee to his class. fucking asshole. at least be civil...jeez.... so yeah today was blah. as usual. art was weird. history was bland. the end. oh wait...that's like so totally not the end. after schoolish jesse and brett came over to hang out. we finished saved--jesse and i watched it the last time he was over but we never finished it. tonight we did. then we started watching drop dead gorgeous, about...3/4 of the way through their friend tom came over (his girlfriend hates me. i'd really like to start a clean slate with her, i hate grudges. but whatever, her choice). he seems cool, but i don't think he likes me very much because his girlfriend hates me. and that's just sad. because obviously jesse and brett think i rock lol. we had fun. i made them watch gilmore girls with me too. but that didn't last. they had to leave because jesse was gonna get in trouble. oh well. until next time. lol i really hope tom doesn't just hate me because kristina does...he seems cool. but kinda got a cockyness about him? god i hate cocky/arrogant people. another pet peeve right there. lol i hope jesse and brett weren't too bored...i like don't leave the house because i'm such a lameass homebody...and i like staying home watching movies. i hope they didn't mind too much....lol..... wow this is such a bad habit. me not doing my homework. bad...BAD. i hate all my classes. but not really. i just hate school. and being there makes me really sad. so therefore i hate my classes because of my general mood when there. sigh. i feel like crying. i've been crying a lot more lately. and that's not good. crying sometimes feels really good...um that's why i cry so much? but i don't want to cry, because when i do i remember all the painful things...and it magnifies them...and makes me sadder. makes me ache more. i can't handle this. i just need to get out of here....need to go to ventura. god i can't believe it's over so suddenly. i'm not ready. kill me.