woohoo only 3 more weeks until my birthday. like exactly i think....today is the 19th? plus 21 would be 40 but you take out 31 coz of october 31st and then yep November 9th. haha it doesnt feel like it's only 3 weeks away....i shall be 16. damn i'm young. i feel like a 30 year old trapped in a 16 year olds body. blech. im gonna be really hurt if he doesnt really give a shit about my birthday. now i'm not one of those girls who expects their guy to get them presents and be like omg happy birthday darling i love you blah blah....it's just that he's already scaring the shit out of me with his distant thing, and if he forgets/doesnt seem to care about my birthday....well that will be the nail in the coffin. it will truly prove that he does not feel for me the way he said he did. i'm so afraid. last year....last FUCKING year when he had only known me less than 2 months he came up to me and gave me a huge hug and said happy birthday and took me out to the mall 2 days later as a belated celebration. how the hell does that shit change to nothing after you would think we'd be closer...i mean he kisses me like every day. and yet....he's more distant. i don't comprehend. too much ranting on this subject, i just wanna fast forward to my birthday and see what happens so i can smack him.