uggh i'm such a shit...wtf is wrong with me these days... when i'm alone i want someone, and when i'm with someone i can't help but think "see i'd be fine if i were alone again".... it's never anything against the guy... it's just a grass-is-greener concept, and i hate it. it's the same thing where i want what i can't have, so if i am being pursued 100% then...i'm flattered, but i tend to lose interest or maybe even take it for granted, but if i'm doing a good portion of the chasing, well then that's what keeps me interested. because i fight for things, i guess i like it that way? i dunno it's always what works for me. i didn't even reeeeally fall for brett till he pulled away in the last two weeks, then i thought "ooh maybe i love him" haha as if. he didn't deserve my love, and that's why i stand by my point that it was merely clouded judgement and being afraid of being lonely again, not necessarily him that i was afraid of losing. whatever guy i'm with needs to understand that i'm royally screwed up in the head and that while i don't like to do ALL the chasing (because i question how much they're interested, and i get really insecure that way), i hate being pursued 100% as well... if a guy pulls away once in a while, and really gives me a chance to miss him, then we're good. OH MY GOD I JUST SWALLOWED MY GUM. UUUUGGGGGHHHH blech. that was unpleasant... so yeah, i need to like...keep my distance, hopefully caesre will keep his just a bit, enough to make me miss him. i like missing him, or anyone for that matter. but i like it when i can miss him, because it keeps me on my toes and keeps me interested. uggh WHY must i always want what i can't have??? oh well. at least i still really love talking to him, so i know it's not going to be too much of a problem. and i do miss him, since i don't get to see him that much (which is probably for the best, considerint my "condition" lol)... hopefully we'll get to hang out tomorrow? i think? yeah because after that it wouldn't be till at least wednesday or thursday MAYBE that i'd get to see him. thank god we talk on the phone all thee time though, which is kinda the way we really started to like eachother? (ha because in person it's more awkward and we don't talk about nearly as much as we do on zee phone) so yes. hopefully i will stop being such a shit, and just like someone when the like me, or not like them when they don't. end of story. i'm getting better. ...and i just found out how much sex brett has had with his new gf...i so never needed to hear that. it's so creepy...*cough*assholefortellingcaesreknowingfullwellhewouldtellme*cough*