i feel so lost right now in all honesty i have no idea what's going on with us. people continue to ask me "so how are you and brett.." and you know what? that's a damn good question, i'd like to know myself... it's been a week since i got really pissed at him for getting drunk yet again...and ever since there has been this awful wall between us. i'm sure that part of that has something to do with the fact that he was sick immediately after...so for the entire week i couldn't even see him and make up... and now something we had is gone i hope i'm overreacting i hope i'm just paranoid dear god let me just be the dramaqueen that i am who sees every little bump in the road as potentially relationship-destructive.... ...and let me be wrong... i asked him last night, you don't like me as much anymore do you? i had to ask him three times because the first two (took me a while to get the nerve to ask again, so this was over a 5 minute period) he didn't hear me. he heard me. just didn't want to answer. he asked 'what makes you think that?'....i said i just had a feeling, a hunch. he said i'm wrong. but his tone wasn't very convincing. and therefore i do not believe him... what happened? just because i got mad at him one time (for a legitimate reason thankyouverymuch, and i thought we moved on past it!) and suddenly the boy who couldn't keep his hands off of me...even at jesse's house or with people around...the boy who loved me...is now indifferent? neutral? suddenly this boy is no longer obsessed with me? WAH???? *sigh*....kill me....i want it back. i want it back where he couldn't get enough of me, and couldn't wait to call me just to hear my voice...or to see me and kiss me all over...and when he and would tell me all the things he thinks are wonderful about me (which according to him was everything)...and couldn't wait to tell me how much he loved me... back when i was in control. i want it back. i want it all back. i need to be in control...i can't let myself get as attached as i can see i'm going to...i need to be the one on the outside of the feelings, while the other one falls madly in love...the one who doesn't get hurt when it's all over. dammit why can't i be that fucking person??? uggh i think i'm falling in love with him. or maybe i already am. i don't know. it's different...very different than i remember it being last time (last love i mean)...so it's just on a whole different level. i hate you brett. :) i hate you for bringing me so close just to pull away... please dear god let me be overreacting.....