today i went to WNL with ry and watched a lax game..(womens)WNL played..umm i forget. they won. it was an awesome game. it was really weird. on the way home i feel asleep and i woke up and right when i did, i see matt walking with his girlfriend. that put me in a GREAT mood. i'll admit it, i am so jealous of everyone that has the perfect little relationship that i want. i can't stand to see my friends be with their boyfriends and see how much they like each other and how happy they are. i don't want a boyfriend so i can walk around holding his hand showing everyone that we are going out. thats gay as shit. i want someone that i can talk to about things, will be a true friend, wants to hang out or do whatever. i can't stand when guys just go out with a girl so they can brag to their friends about how they think they are gonna get some. the only person who was actually there for me when we went out was matt. he was perfect. i guess since i miss him so much that i try to find a guy just like him. i shouldn't really worry about guys in 8th grade. but it gets to me when all of my friends have someone and hang out with them all of the time. ugh.. okay honestly, i think cutting over a guy is the most fucking retarded thing. a guy isn't worth THAT much. shit, you can be upset or whatever, but don't cut over a guy. its really not worth it. sarah's birthday is today. we used to be best friends and then stupid things (ex. guys) got in the way. we started getting in little fights all of the sudden and then one time we just blew up on each other. i said a lot of things i regret. we didn't talk to each other for 2 weeks, a lot of people hated me all of the sudden. i guess her boyfriend was spreading shit about me, he hated me from the start. then last week we were just like this is shit, sorry. i don't think we will ever be as close as we were before, but she is still my friend. my parents don't understand me, they don't want me hanging out with her. they just don't understand all that we have been through together, they never will. i don't have a birthday present for her. i don't know whether to get her one or not. i think i will, but i was thinking i would just write her a long note about everything. psh, i don't know. i don't tell my parents anything. they don't know about how i feel like shit all of the time. they think i live a "perfect" little life since i live in a "perfect" little house with a "perfect" little family. i hate the school i go to, it is shit. i hate going to school because i know someone will make fun of me or get pissed for some reason. my friends are the "popular" ones in school. everyone thinks i'm a stuck up slutty bitch. they don't know me at all. i would give anything to find new friends, to get out. i love my friends sometimes, but i can't put up with all of this dramma shit. if i even brought up switching schools my parents would prob flip out for no reason. fuck, no one understands me. leave me comments, please..