2 months later and i still can't believe justin is gone. everyone is saying that it gets better as time goes on but it only seems like it is getter harder and i feel like i have no one to talk to about it. i just want to be able to see his smile again and hear him make fun of me.. something, it doesn't matter.. i just want to see him again. and the funny thing is that i haven't gone to his grave yet. i am scared because i know i will lose it all over again like i did the day of the funneral. i know that it will just reassure that he is really gone and i don't want that.. i don't want to see his name on the stone. its just not fair at all. i also feel like i need to go to the bedford and go to where it actually happend just to try to come to terms with everything and be able to move on but i know the second i start driving to his grave or the road it happend on i will just turn around. i need to go with someone who is going through the same thing but it seems liek all of my friends that knew him also have been able to move on. i don't understand how.. i just miss him so damn much. this past week i was at the beach and every single red prelude i saw i turned around to make sure it wasn't him and then i realize that he isn't here anymore. every song i listen to reminds me of him. i know he is with me but i just still can't believe that all of this has happend. never in a million years did i think that someone i was friends with would die. it's not supposed to be that way. i love you and miss you so much justin and i hope you know that.. please keep helping chelsea.. she needs you so so so much especially since she just found out about you the other day. you were the love of her life and i know she is wondering why your life was taken and why she was the one who survived because i know she would have taken her life for you. its amazing how she can go from being in a coma, being pronounced dead, doctors telling the family she will be a vegetable the rest of her life to her being in rehab right now in atlanta and talking again and remembering everything. she was asking for you and they couldn't tell her about you until she was stable enough becasue they didn't want her to relapse but she did know that you were hurt a lot worse than her.. i can't even begin to believe how she feels know that the love of her life was died in the same car accident she was injurged so badly in.. please keep watching over her and your family.. especially your sister.. she is having such a hard time but i know her and chelsea will make it thorugh this together.. they need you so bad right now because you were the one who they went to in times liek this and now you aren't here anymore.. i miss you so much and i love you so much.. i wish i would have told you that more often