Okay, I guess I will write about last night since I have nothing to do. Actually, I am just going to write about when we were hanging out in the parking lot since that was the most eventful thing. I mentioned to Sturgill that I may have a thing for Max but I didn't want people to know because I am dating Ian. Things are just getting weird between us. He flirts and talks on the phone and whatever else with my friends more than me. Sturgill tells Max, and Max says that he's liked Sturgill since the beginning of 8th grade. (Me and Max went out in 8th grade, hmm.) I hung out with Andrew, Nick, and Will a lot since Max and Sturgill were stuck up each other's asses and Emily hung out with Hunter and Maddie. All of the sudden we see Grant, Ian, and Jason walking over to Food Lion (the parking lot we were in) and so I was liek SHIIIIIIIIT because Sturgill told Max that i had a little something for him and so Max, Nick, Will, and Andrew like hate Ian because he is always a dumbfuck to me when he is with his friends. So Sturgill goes "Hey Ian, your girlfriend is over here" and he goes "OOOOOkay" and just walked away. All of the guys wanted to kick his ass, but instead to make them mad they came and would tackle me onto the ground and grab my butt and boobs and stuff and they know he saw because he walked away. After that I was like whatever fuck him and just started having fun and wasent going to worry about what a shitfuck boyfriend i have. When I got home Sturgill IM's me and goes "Julia look. I talked to Max and he said hes liked me since the beginning of 8th grade and that he doesnt like you more than a friend." Then Emily started saying the same damn thing to me and I didn't really need to here it twice, I mean I got that he didn't like me the first time. But whatever i'm used to it all. Not getting the guy. I mean every single one of my friends have had a fun but somewhat serious relationship that i am ALWAYS jealous that they have. The only person I liked more than anything but had tons of fun just hanging out with and stuff was matthew and i fucking ruined that. To tell you the truth I'm still not over him, but i can't sit there and let him know that he ruined me. Im afriad to ever like a guy that much again because i know in the end i will just be hurt like i was with him. the most depressed i have ever been was when we broke up. honestly i think i am the most insecure person ever. i cant trust anyone, muchless trust myself. but whatever i feel like i am just complaining that things didnt go my way, which is what happend really. but i just realized that im a fucking dumbass about everything. i mess just about everything up. i have volleyball tryouts today 3-9. i don't even want to try out but if i try out i get a horse so. i am not in shape at all and today is all conditioning. fuck. i doubt anyone will read all of this, but thats okay.