i have been through so much crap these last few years and i am just now realizing that i made it through some of the stuff that back then i thought was virtually imposible for me to even think that i was going to get through it. yeah and then there is the things that i have still had in me and i really need to get over some of the stuff that has happened. its really hard for me to admit that but yeah one thing that has gotten to me so much is this kid and i dont wanna put his name in here because it doesnt feel right to do that. yeah i dont want to go into too much detail but this kid commited suicide back when i was in 8th grade and he really wasnt the type of guy that anyone liked. he was the so called "nerdy kid" in school and we all treated him as if he was dirt. i didnt do much to hurt his feelings but i never even tried to accept him or even be his friend. and this thought keeps going through my mind and it kinda feels like this is my fault or something. i dunno but its really hard for me to even write about it in here but i keep thinking if i could have just said hi to him that day or at least gave him a smile or something then maybe he could still be here. i hate the fact that i never tried to get to know him. ahh you dont know how frustrated i get when i think about it and sometimes i dont even know how i could be that type of person that treats people like that. i dunno but that song Stole by that Kelly chick has really made this come up in my mind lately. i wish i could turn back time and go back and stop him from doing that and i wish i would have gotten to know him at least a little bit more. i am really really convicted about this and i just wish that it would have turned out diferent... that is one of the many things that i wish i could change in my past or at least forget because it is just too bad to think about the what ifs anymore...~well i better go~