oh my gosh guys.....ive been having one of the worst weeks of my life...well maybe just one of those years to be exact...i dont know.....i still dont...im confused about everything. completely confused. about life.about everything. and a lot about religion. ill admit, for the last 4 weeks in a row, i missed church.....and before that, i cant remember ever missing church on sundays....and lately, ive been doing a lot of things that i shouldnt have been doing. i dont want to put them in here though just cus i dont want my family or anything to get ahold of it, but i can honestly say that i have definately had two wakeup calls last saturday night...the car accident, and the fact that the car hit us so hard, that of course i got thrown around a whole lot, but it ended up that there were no scratches on either vehicles....miracle...it had to of been. and then that night, i drank a lot, and when i got pulled over in my vehicle and the cops gave me a breathe test, it came out to zero....miracle.....i think that god gave me another chance to change the way i have been dealing with my problems....if that test would have came out to anything other than what it did that night, i would have went straight to jail because im already on probation, and then i would of had a dui, and then i would have had my liceanse taken away till i would have been 21......and it was a miracle that that cop didnt take me in that night. a miracle. he chewed me out all kinds and let me go. that was the big wake up call. but theres something wrong with all of this, things keep getting worse and worse....the whole situation with my parents and almost getting kicked to the curb, and the whole thing with my grandma in and out of the hospital, and the constant fighting with my best friend, and the fact that i cant sleep without having nightmares, and then the nightmares make it to where i cant sleep at all, so it makes me exhausted,and the whole thing with matthew....i cant handle what happened to him... and then the stress with college....all of this....it makes it hard to get through everyday. its horrible. i honestly dont know what to do. i cant fix it. and it feels like im stuck. kinda like im numb to everything. it feels like i can see people at the top of a tunnel trying to reach for me, but i cant get anywhere near them to get out of the tunnel. its horrible. i dont know anymore. honestly i dont. i dont know what to think anymore, i dont know what to believe anymore, and i dont know what to feel anymore. blah. im done for now, i have no more thoughts. Krystal