i didnt have much to do this morning so i thought that i would write in here about my dumb life....i dunno why anyone even wants to read this diary because nothing i say is worth reading anymore.my life is...uhh i cant even explain it. i talked to Rocky the other day and he seemed really distant. i dunno about him anymore because we used to be totally close and now it is like he doesnt ever even care about me anymore. its really strange and i care about him more than my own life and i just cant get through to him.it makes me sick...how can a guy tell me that he loves me one minute and the next he can act like that to me?? i remember when we would just sit there and talk for hours just about anything and all of a sudden it has gotten really wierd between us.i dont know anymore.....he leaves me confused everytime we talk now and im getting all these mixed signals and im sick of trying to figure out what he means when he said these things....boys.....why do they haveta be so freakin confuzing?????? do u ever get the feeling that ur gonna die soon? bcus i keep getting the feeling that im gonna die at a young age.its wierd but i dont think that im going to make it to 30.....all u out there are prolly thinkin that im psycho but i dunno......i just dont really see a future for me and it is really wierd.....sorry for writting this bcus it doesnt make any sense at all i know that for sure but anyways....... omg can u all out there be prayin 4 me...lol because im going through clinicals through the hospital and the nursing home and for the next 5 weeks, on every saturday i have to stay at the hospital and the nursing home for 10 hours each day and it gets so freakin depressing there. its sad at how bad these people can get sick and i dont know if i can handle it anymore....but i need to go through it so i can become a cna and yeah its really hard to haveta deal with it for 10 hours every saturday..........i give much props to all u nurses out there because i dont know how they can do that day after day... i orriginally wanted to be a nurse but im having second thoughts about it because it is hard....i need to get through this so i can pass my college class and yeah its hard..................well thats it for today.....bye for now