im at home everyone seems to be at a party except me so i feel left out but ya the bus ride sucked and i was seriously relying on that for the whole day thats all i wanted to do is my little 15 min bus ride the only thing good in my life till i actually got on there just cuz i had to see amanda carin and jordan on the damn bus i hate them they are whores and i almost went insane i seriously had to scream but couldnt cuz then id never ever be able back on the bus i wish i could ride in whats his names car ooh that would be glorious lol but ya i got off the bus and everyone left and bailie was gone im guessing to her little friends party and once i relized she wasnt comin out of the school sarah and them already left just cuz no effence britty but because britty cant wait which i understand that she doesnt like sonia and them because we were all sayin hi to them so i ended up walkin home which i need the excersice or whatever but ya like ive said to many times now im at home and there all at cash wise or on the way home and alana is sitting at home but shes grounded and ya i was invited, by those not throwing the party why, they probably hate me i never get the chances for anything im not cool enough well that and maybe its cuz im an ass but ya i wasnt invited sarah and you all invited me but it doesnt matter if you invite me because your not the ones throwing the party and obviously if i wasnt invited then im not suppose to be there so theres no point in that and if i would have gone with you i would have felt stupid i already feel stupid for when i went to laurens for the dance thing i wasnt invited jess or steph asked if me and steph could come we werent invited but i had fun there till valentines when i relized that lauren obviously didnt like me cuz i didnt get no flower so therefor she didnt really want me there she just let me come because jess or steph asked if i could come so therefor i feel left out once britty moves ill definatly deteriate even though i already am i should screw the commons and just go to class cuz obviously no one wants me there im not in with any of them ya friends with alana and sarah and jess and britt but i feel like ive deteriated im not friends with any of the girls ill lose britty soon enough wait thats pretty much already happened and hmm im losin control i wont be there soon enough when im there anyways im not standing in the groups most of the time i stand outside just standing there litterally lookin at the floor or watching the rest of them just stand there and soo ya i might go to the warehouse tomorrow only cuz the 8th graders and sarah but ya theres no reason for me there, theres no reason i go anywhere ppl probably dont like me cuz i do lots of stuff with my cousins and i talk about them a lot but thats cuz i know that ill never lose them and i have them for the rest of my life but my friends will go and go and go they wont come and go theyll just go without comin because obviously we werent friends in the beggining im just someone whose in there classes that they hang out with in classes dont think all of this makes things the same there still the same for you but to me ill still stand there just watching and doin nothing ill just be there for you to ignore me so i can think of even more things that make me a bad person and ill think of things of why im so stupid and dont have good grades and why im even there and shit but to me ill still be faiding and faiding and changing, and maybe just letting go all together i dont care if im not invited to some girl friends party i dont have a life normally so i know how to just sit at home and do nothing dont worry ya'll i can live and dont think this diary is something where you leave some stupid comment telling me that your my friend and shit and that im not fading and that your sorry i wasnt invited and that kind of shit dont tell me nonsence stuff cuz when you do it makes me feel worse and ya can go suck something this isnt some cry for help either its my diary where i keep my thoughts and your only reading it cuz i allow you too LEAVE ME ALONE i love erica