sam is right this is my 206th entry i guess.. shes amazing wow.. that is soo cool.. i never ever noticed that.. amazing i tell ya.. wow.. ugh anyway.. so lately i have relized that ive lost importantly best friends.. well ok so i dont think ive lost them for sure specifically one i know i will never lose because i know that i truly do love that person and i really dont want anything that has become between us to ruin that and just so that person knows.. i do love you and if your a person who thinks that your not that person.. you just might be that person and that one person will probably be the only one to read this so if your the only one who has read this.. then i guess i love you.. but anyway.. to this person.. im sorry for all of everything.. and i think a lot of everything has been because of me.. but honestly you truly are a best friend .. alhtough recently it has not shown that way.. and im to blame probably for it.. but thats fine.. ive relized that im pretty stupid for everything i do.. ive also noticed that im highly annoying.. i relized this when im with chad and sarah cuz chad doesnt talk much which drives me insane which makes me talk more and then makes me annoying.. ok but anyway annonomous person i love you.. you really are a best friend at heart so you know.. the other friend seems to have found someone else the person makes me feel traded in.. im vanished from this persons mind like yes they talk to me.. but thats probably cuz im there and the person has to talk to me.. i feel bad.. this person was my like best friend.. my sibling.. my relative.. but now.. ive been traded in for someone knew and the person is probably better.. and for this person.. they will never read this because they no longer care about me.. because they never read my diary they only care about themselves and there knew best friend.. and all i can say is that im mad at this best friend or what i thought was a best friend i would probably conclude as a best friend seeing as most friends are best friends and trust me person who is reading this.. your my best friend.. but no one reads this anyways so i probably dont have very many best friends.. so you should feel special to be my best friend.. anyway.. i am mad at this best friend.. the person is just a best friend now who i do not trust my secrets with.. i no longer trust telling this person how i feel about things.. i no longer have the feeling of sharing everything with this person.. (not that i share much with anyone, but people are very lucky when they do hear these things seeings as it takes a shit load of my strength) but anyways again.. i no longer can share anything or everything with this person.. and im ashamed to say that cuz i loved consouling myself with this person.. i dontknow if consouling is the right word for this but the word is frigen awesome so i used it.. i deeply apologies for no longer being on your top part of the best friends list no named best friend.. i do love you.. but i no longer trust you.. and im sorry i have to say that.. a friend should never have to tell another friend that they feel that way.. i should never ever be able to lose such a friend.. i kind of am hurt by this friend.. seeings as i feel ditched by this person.. i still love you though.. as for my day.. oh man wait.. yesterday haha in the morning i have my clinichien and then we went to the boys swim meet and i was bored out of my mind and chads mom hugged me and sarah like raped me and ugh blah it was frigen boring seeings as my ass hurt.. but ya.. then later me and ryan go to the skating show and were waiting for grant and we were freaking out more then practicing and we should have practiced.. grant never showed up and it was just me and ryan and in some parts just me.. he didnt know what to sing till tonight ugh gosh we did so good with grant it was soo cool.. i wanted to laugh cuz it was so much fun those two are the best of ppl i love them both but anyways still last night ok so we get done singing and running around and so we go to ryans and get a grand tour we go pick up mark at dq in spicer then we get christa then go to the warehouse and are bored out of our minds.. i noticed at some points christa would get mad if specific ppl would get near me and so shed make sure they had to be close to her to cuz shes cooler then me and has to make sure ya know.. well the bands play blah blah blah boring and we leave and go to the a and w gas station in new london to drop mark off and i got this cool energy drink that was pretty good and then we dropped christa off and then ryan and im on my way home and man i was pretty good for even making it home i was totally almost out of gas like it was almost past being beyond the e thing lol. empty bitch.. lol but ya so then today.. yup thats about it.. thats today.. i worked all fucking day.. oh except the other skating show which fricken rocked my socks off we did so good.. i fricken love ryan and grant we did good well compared to last night.. it was awesome.. ya oh ya and friday we went to chads and i forgot my phone there cuz it fell out of my pocket and ugh ya so dont try calling it.. cuz i dont have it.. i was also bored there except alana was with me then.. we felt left out seeing as another couple came and then the two couples would talk and like me and alana were just quiet.. ugh ya.. haha gross.. chad is disgusting in just his boxers im pretty sure i never ever ever want to see that kid dance in his boxers again.. we watched him and his friends old home video and that is what he did in it.. im pretty sure it was more fun for them.. then us.. but the sand box was pretty cool.. i got home a half hour late that night but we told my parents.. cuz i would have been on time but we did tell them we wanted to stop mcdonalds but then we also stopped at taco johns too and they literally took twenty effing minutes.. it sucked.. but yes.. wow this is humungooo.. oh ya as for my purse.. it is turning out fricken awesome.. ugh its sooo cool.. im so excited.. your all jealous.. oh ya and i relized im not on that one persons friends list.. im not cool enough i guess... which i understand.. you dont have to tell me more then once that im uncool.. cuz im pretty sure ive told myself a hundred times.. and dont care anymore and am gonna keep my uncool ways.. so blah in your faces.. i seem to be able to make sarah laugh even though she said everytime she looks at me she thinks of food.. which makes me sad but whatever i supposedly called her fat.. just cuz her belly button can open and close when jumping .. but if youd seen it.. im pretty sure youd laugh too.. a change in pase..