im pretty sure they should what i have done was pretty lame and dumb i did it for my cousins and blah i pretty much hate myself for doing such things in life.. like a lot of things that i do i regret like pretty much everything i do do is a regret.. and even the last breath that i took was a regret i will plainly stop doing what ive been doing in life i will just stop everything and start doing the right thing.. im gonna listen to my parents and im gonna litterally keep my swearing to a minimum it honestly doesnt make me look cooler and i dont think im cool anyways.. im just a big butthead and should keep my mouth shut and apparently the freedom of speech isnt exactly the best as now all of my new london "friends" will hate me even though there really not my friends.. they were at least nice to me though and now they will probably hate me and will not like me for being harsh to there school and everything im pretty sure i turned christas school year into an even worse year and it will probably be hell for her .. and its partially is because of me.. dont ask me why i dont feel like explaining it on the computer.. its just that im a bitch and dont deserve the breaths i take.. i want to cry but theres no reason to.. but i want too.. i dont want ot go to church and face loree i actually just kind of want to go to work and sit and do nothing and do nothing and maybe skate.. im still debating.. although i dont want to work with justin cuz he's just justin and ya blah.. well whatever tonight though is done and over and i hope that this all just goes away and im honestly just sorry for what ive done.. and dont want to ever show my face to new london ever again cuz im plainly just embarrased for the things ive done and said.. such foul language from me.. i can no longer stand myself.. and i want to go to sleep but im afraid people will haunt my dreams and remind me of the terrible person i can be.. and i wanted to go to new london.. what a dumbass i am.. wow.. sad.. and im just so afraid of losing some of the people ive called my friends.. from new london.. i think its cool being on beccas top 8 list it pleases me to see someone from new london thinks im actually cool.. it makes me feel proud.. and its cool being on marks top 8 too and like i think thats it.. the only two ppl from new london to think im worthy of there top 8 which is way steller but i just might have taken that from myself which would suck.. and like i cant delete the stuff cuz the ppl are bringing all the stuff to there principle and wow im so stupid about everything ya but i cant delete any of it cuz i have to keep it and like it just sucks that something has to be faught like this and i just want to dispose of all of it and i dont think its possible.. other then the whole blah stuff .. it was a good evening like at first this morning i went to the little boys hockey game thing where sarahs team creamed mine which kind of sucked but hey i had a lot of cute little kids on my team such as that one little girl whose name i now have forgotten.. but i want to do it again as it was fun and the kids were cute.. and there was a kid on my team whose name was anokin which reminded me of star wars.. but then anyways i went home and eww my dad made me clean the bunny in the basements cage which was disgusting and smelly and gross blah but then i sat around and then sarah came and we wrote evilness and then went to the movies and that was very fun it was a disgusting movie beyond resoning but it was a unique plot like structure thing.. just very gross as it started out to be like a porn like thing and then ended up being like a killing pshycho movie and was gory and gross.. and i think the worst part was where the like asian chick is like looking at herself in whatever that thing was that was reflecting her picture and she like relizes that shes all gross and ugly and jumps in front of the train that was the worst part for me and it was very disgusting and i think though thats the one part that sticks like right in my head.. i did think it was funny though when eric was covering my eyes cuz it was gross and i really didnt want to see it and like then he takes his hands away and they show the chick and theres white stuff comin out of her eye it was disgusting he had the perfect timing for making that disgusting.. but ya it was me eric lindsey and sarah that went and i seen that justin kid there and maddi and some other ppl there.. ya i couldnt tell who was with them but i think bret was and more but ya at first i was looking for like becca to be with them like with ryan but i didnt see her so i was like hmm.. oh well she'll hate me soon enough in time.. as will the rest of the world. in which it should..i feel bad for when i have to see these girls again.. and i never ever want to.. i think chelsey is the one id be most afraid of because she will be a butt and tell the world of what i did.. and it seems that she is the one whose said almost worse things.. and who also really needs to check up on her grammer and spelling wow like really and im not making fun of her because im cutting back on that... im just honestly saying she really needs help with that.. but ya im gonna read most of it all over again and go to bed where i hope no one will haunt my dreams.. my regret and apologies.. oh and they never even said sorry back.. i at least had the courage and rights to say i was sorry..