im pretty sure i dont blame ppl for not wanting to come to the commons i tried it on friday after 1st block but like i went to the commons waited for sarah said hi to sarah and alana and left seen eric as i went.. i went to my 2nd block and was ashamed that i left because once i got into my classroom i was made fun of or well not necassarily made fun of just teased you could say i guess.. so no matter where i go im tempted with certain people and they piss me off or im just left there to sit.. after that i kind of decided to go back to the commons afraid of what it would be like again.. i guess id rather stand in the comons and pretend that im enojoying myself rather then go to my class and make a mockery of myself.. i cant seem to find anyone close enough to me to relate to and to talk to the way i feel i would have when i was with my cousin sarah this weekend but i didnt feel like it.. i enjoy just being there for her.. and sometimes sharing with her just cuz i know she listens.. sarah and christa pretty much know me backwards and inside out.. at least sarah.. christa is probably rusty.. i dont feel that im one of christas top prioritys in life sometimes.. although i do love her.. and she probably loves me.. sometimes i think that her friends are more important then the ones that will be there for her forevor.. which is fine.. she'll come around.. we have our moments though too.. and im pretty sure i know christas life pretty well or as much as i can.. i cant see everything seeing as i dont go to the same school.. wow this entry is like of my cousins.. oh well today i had golf meeting and it was rather boring and made me feel like a retard .. all the preppy girls in my grade are in it. which is rather fine cuz they are all nice but they always are talkative and im not when around people i dont feel open enough too.. i always feel like im being judged. so i just decide not to say anything at all.. well afterwards i came home and sat on the computer then my rents came home and so i got off.. they told me to go and look in the back of the truck and this year they bought me a new set of clubs.. there pretty cool i would have to say.. mom is really looking forward to be able to actually go golfing with me now.. cuz she can use my old set.. im looking forward to go golfing with dan and my dad cuz that could be cool.. see every year my mom buys something new for my golfing.. first year she bought me the set she got from a lady a whole bag of all the clubs and the bag of course for twenty dollars.. which was awesome and i used the clubs for three years i also got a putter cuz the lady didnt have one of those.. my second year-8th grade i dont think i got anything but my third year.. last year i got the coolest bag which is orange and has a stand.. then there is this year.. my 4th year.. and i have new clubs.. ive got everything that i could ever want for golfing now and am stoked for the season.. i hope to do really good.. meets suck though i feel like a really yucky player.. and again left out cuz all of the team talks and the only person i talk to is dana and eilers and motinger.. so we'll see what happens.. sarah and i will probably not be going to the y for forevor again seeing as she will be running in track and ill be working just about nothing in golf.. whoohoo for walking i guess? oh well i cant wait to tell dan i got a new set of clubs and that we have to go golfing sometime.. that could be fun although he'll probably think im slow and never go with me again but oh well its for fun.. and not like any other pastor.. he'll pick on me the whole time.. lol.. i want to feel something but i dont know what.. something is missing in me..