why is it that i keep finding myself sleeping threw life.. again im so sick of myself and disappointed in myself.. ugh im fucking annoying.. sarah im MEAN to your sister.. its rude.. like i told her today.. its people like you that make that other little girl want to kill themselves.. im one of those people probably except i dont think im that mean.. maybe your sister though.. but i guess im sick of my attitude.. towards people.. and especially.. myself.. why is it that i happen to be sooo annoying.. i can tell that sarah seems to be getting annoyed of me.. i DONT blame her. seeings as i am annoying.. tomorrow i dont want to go to the commons it just seems as if its not gonna make a difference whether i go there or not.. i think ill like go there be like hi guys and leave.. except after 3rd block cuz me and alana have to see whats his name seeings as alana is like opsessed.. i dont have anyone to opseess over which i guess is a good thing.. but it does make life more unworthy and less interesting. so now its later and im writing again.. ugh so i also relized things when i was writing.. im on the bottom of the lists on things.. not mentioning lists but yes i really am.. and i also relize that i am a whiny little brat i think erica called me one in a last entry of mine.. and now im letting you all know that i agree and im telling you that i am.. but i guess im not a self centered bitch who whines about stupid things.. although i dont think i know anyone who really is.. blah insanities in my head.. damn that orchestra concert was boring but like i sat and just thought to myself and the music kind of helped at one point i had this big idea of leaving and doing something special but then i decided that the person would think i was stupid plus it would be a wierd thing to do.. and im glad i didnt.. but i was really tempted to do it.. i was gonna leave the concert at 8.15 but instead i left at 8.45 im a sucker i guess. i didnt want to misplease stivers terribly i felt bad for leaving.. so i left when the song was almost over so that that way i knew that i wouldnt have to race threw a crowd.. ya thinking is evil.. i agree with sarah i really want to in depthly talk with her right now.. and i dont know why but out of randomness im really really craving a hug from just anyone.. i just really want a hug.. ive noticed some changes in things and it makes me sad that i passed them up i know you dont have to tell me im stupid again.. i already know.. im pretty sure if i counted how many timesive put in all of my entries about how stupid i am.. it would equal about one hundred as i put it alot.. ugh i want to read old entries for a little bit. ugh now i really want to talk to sarah.. no fair..