i dont know whats wrong.. while i was sitting watching that movie.. i could only think of johny cash's life and how messed up he was and how messed up i am.. i couldnt imagine taking drugs.. to think of how much worse it could make life.. i wouldnt be able to handle it. i can barely handle it now.. but i dont know what it is i cant handle. but then theres you who listens.. which makes me want to cry but like i said i cant.. maybe its cuz i say i cant that makes it impossible for me.. but i say.. talking to you is the best thing.. you really do help me and you only might know it.. well now you really might seeing as i put it in here.. and i must say i look forward talking to you everyday on the computer.. you listen.. i might not say a lot.. but what i do say.. you listen. and your also one of the only people that even talks to me on the computer.. or that i want to talk to.. i feel that ive lost everyone.. not because of them but because of me. i dont know what happened.. i feel out. i made a better effort today like erica said to.. and i smiled not to put on a mask but because i wanted to.. because there was something funny maybe. i dont know. but without jess in my class.. i feel alone cuz no one talks to me in band or choir or orchestra.. so i dont know what to do.. but grant does sometimes.. but i just sit there and wait and be the best student that i can be seeing as theres no way to mess around and stuff i might as well try.. i think my mom just pharted threw her mouth lol.. that made me laugh..