so whomever anonomous is.. im pretty sure skiing has nothing to do with me be afraid of everything you fruitcake.. and i wouldnt ski if my life depended on it.. well maybe then.. and to eric.. um ahh.. *scared face and screams* wow.. you really have scared me.. you shouldnt do that to people whom get scared easily.. pretty much. today was well whatever i guess.. i still have to say im pretty sick of being me and need change.. going to the y has been pretty awesome seeing as hopefully i can get into shape and look better for well i guess i have no reason for looking better as my life revolves around nothing therefor there is nothing to look good for.. i guess it will help me for when i have soccer this upcoming year.. im so excited.. *stands up with enthusiasm and then sits down and relizes she's retarded and is really not looking forward to the hard work.* im sick of not doing anything now.. its boring.. but fun today me and sarah went to my granpmas and learned how to cast on and learned to like do the pearl which is cool and now were making purses and mine so far is really hard and i stopped cuz its stupid and no point to it.. we decided if they work out.. we'll sell them and make more and it will be cool we could have our own buisness.. cuz were cool.. and we owe it to my cool grandma and ashleys mom.. and each other cuz we are cool..ok im gonna stop saying that cuz im gonna actually start thinking that i really am cool and i really aint.. im a loser.. im pretty positive that there really is nothing that makes me cool. except being related to erica.. that makes me pretty awesome.. this weekend was fun haha yesterday me and eric stole justins car for once and i parked it a while away.. and me being stupid i couldnt find the door handle to get out of the damn car.. i had to turn the light on to get it.. then we went back and justin was like grr and stole my shoes and coat.. as long as i had my keys i was satisfied but then eric stole justins and they went and got his car back and then hid my shoes and i was standing outside shaking without shoes on.. and then i found them but went to get a stick and eric rehid them.. and justin pointed them out and he got mad cuz im like wow erics the coolest person for hiding them in the coolest place.. although might i add. before opening that box that would maybe have dark scary things in it i told justin i was afraid of the box and he said he didnt care and to open it..so i did.. and my shoes were inside then he complained cuz i called eric cool and not him when he's the one that pointed them out and i simply said.. you were the one that took them.. and he hid them in an easy spot.. and stuck my tounge out at him.. im pretty sure something is wrong with me though.. im afraid of going outside at night.. im afraid of feeding my rabbits and opening the door.. im afraid of shutting my eyes in the shower.. and i run to bed when i turn the lights off in my room at night.. im afraid of walking in my sisters dorm hall thing.. im afraid of sleeping in my sisters dorm room.. im afraid of hurting others.. im afraid of dark spaces.. im afraid of small spaces.. im afraid of basements.. im afraid of big houses.. im afraid of small rooms.. im afraid of spiders.. im afraid of closets.. im afraid of opening boxes and stuff that can hold scary things.. im afraid to be the one to do things first. (depending on subject).. im afraid of risks.. (but not all) im afraid of scary people.. im afraid of my neighborhood(partial reason why i hate going outside.. that and the dark)im afraid when my dad spooks me.. im afraid of scary stories.. im afraid of being alone.. im afraid of parks.. im afraid of mama fuckidy fuck and papa justifly as they can go to freaking hell.. and sarahs scary tricks.. overall youll notice one word mentioned the most and thats the dark.. admitting that yes im afriad of the dark.. and lately its all that i concentrate on.. *how the fuck do i get out of not being in the dark.. you can do it jess.. fuck no..* so im pretty sure.. me calling myself a loser is proven true in this entry.. seeing as i type what im thinking.. my biggest issue lately has been taking showers i cant close my eyes im afraid someone is in the bathroom and is pretty much gonna attack me.. you dont need to remind me that im retarded or handicapped and justin would say.. cuz i have reminders every day.. being afraid of practically breathing is my issue and i dont know how to deal with it.. but my other biggest issue lately is having to feed my rabbits at night.. in which i always have to do cuz i never seem to do them during the day.. im afraid of goin in my backyard.. afraid of the fact that someone is again going to attack me and take me away.. im afraid of walking back there but i remind myself that cardie is there to protect me thats why i take her with me.. im afraid of opening the doors and thinking someone is gonna grab me the moment i walk in.. but again i open them cuz i know cardie can hopefully protect me and besides the rabbits are starving and thirsty.. damn the animals.. except cardie.. my hero.. wow.. thanks to those who read this effing bullshit.. you can be my hero too..! try it once.. if i dont like i wont do it again.. theres two things i wont do again..