ugh i just.. my thoughts are just missing like i feel so lost and confused and i feel bad for what ive said and stuff and i cant even finish my own sentances, i relize im turning into a shy person i shut myself out to others and i dont talk as much when in groups and its just said for me but i just feel abnormal i feel so wierd and lost and confused and stuff but i feel better compaired to last night after prom we went to arbys and i got a mocha shake and then they brought me home and i just sat here again with my evil thoughts and i just got lost inside and im out of it but im still confused and dont know where im going in life at this point and ugh i watched a chick flick last night lol i watched a cinderella story cuz i love watching that movie as much as i want what she has i still love watching it just cuz its something to look forward to is just being in the rain or just everything that she had i hate hilary duff but i like some of her movies but ya then i went to bed and i was like thinking and it was a good thing but then outside my window my neighbors drive into there drive way at like 90 miles an hour all swearing and their mexican music blasting loudly and just cussing and causing a recas and it made me think that maybe what i was thinking of at the moment was not to happen and that its something i shouldnt want and it also made me think of what kind of neighborhood i live in sometimes i just hate my neighborhood and actually i cant think of a time that i like it i used too when bailie was here and when jenifer lived next to us cuz she didnt make noises its turning into a slum i hate those ppl i wish they would go back to there own country this isnt the town they should be in i think im a bad person for feeling that way but still there just overpopulating and each of there familys have like a billion kids and then they cant pay for them and they just get everything and they shouldnt and i dont know i think very bad thoughts and im a bad girl for it but ya i dont want to talk about them cuz i always feel bad for it but i love this town and i dont want those ppl to take over it and make it icky i cant wait to get my camera i want it sooooo bad but then again i dont cuz im afraid of breaking it and i dont want that cuz its such a nice camera i seen ppl with it last night i was like yes its a good camera if other ppl have it ugh im still a little upset of last night seeing him just made me want him even more and i didnt even get to say hi and ask him who he was with and stuff i just feel bad but im ok about it cuz ya know i dont care about boys or at least im trying not to cuz none of them like me so im not gonna make it a problem oh man i cant wait for the 20th or so cuz erica comes home and all my problems will be gone cuz ill be able to hang out with her and i wont have to worry about what to do cuz ill have her here and we can always come up with something to do when shes here cuz we can go rollerblading and go take scenic pics even though i dont know if shed enjoy doing that but i know i would cuz im retarded like that, i didnt mean what i said earlier i dont want you to shut me out cuz of what i said i was just really upset but im fine now and im smiling and we should get together today and stuff so ya but im sick of typing to ill ttyl k but yes by my friends sorry for the words that come from me