so mm this whole morning ive had nothing to do so basically just have been thinking.. i guess one of my most common past times. thinking. what happens to little girls when they grow up.. girls with no confidence.. find confidence within friends with similarity of the same thoughts.. they find wierd things.. wierd boys.. and do things that older woman do.. they live happily with there friends by there side.. they always have ppl to turn to.. they dont really change much in there looks but they do try to be pretty.. the ones that dont find there confidence have friends but just dread on there low self esteem.. i personally think they need to get out of it and grow up and relize the things that are beautiful outside of there thoughts.. and relize there are ppl there with them that they can enjoy life with if only open there eyes and think of what they truly have.. then theres the ones without friends that have no confidence as well.. and they hide within everything.. they dont have anyone to tell anything to they hide in there thoughts they dont talk to others they dont have friends they dont change much there thoughts are terrible and only the worst of things.. they let ppl throw them around.. idont know if they can change.. like i cant see a person just pulling out of such a matter.. they need to find confidence and friends.. more then likely they need to get out of highschool as soon as they can.. they need to find there futures and achieve them at there best they need to find something that they can apply themselves to.. example the two girls at lunch.. i feel bad for them.. alana and myself think of them often.. and sadly sometimes we laugh at them just cuz they are funny.. like yesterday the one girl was talking to her italian dunkers.. but the worst of things was when we went to the commons and they were sitting on the couch.. and they dont talk to each otehr like ever and the one was drawing and they said some stuff and then these boys came over and sat on the couch and made them move over and over so far that they were barily on it anymore.. and they just let the boys push them.. that is why they hate life.. because they just let jerks do that kind of stuff to them.. which makes those boys target them even more.. and the day before the girls had saved a table by putting there stuff on the table cuz its always so had for them to get a table and anyway the girls drawings were on it.. and then me and alana went and put our stuff on a different table too and like went and got lunch and when we came back the girls were still sitting at there table but all these stupid preppy girls sat there too and there was drawings on our table.. later the girls went and threw there stuff away and we did like right as they were coming back and it was the girls drawings.. like the preppy girls took and threw the drawings on our table.. these girls are the ones i feel bad for i dont think they should have to go through highschool hiding.. i wonder what there parents think. girls with confidence.. have friends.. theyre are the ones who exceed by being super smart and have friends they care about there future and thats what they have to think about.. they are pretty and will lead succesful lives.. but what if they dont. there theres the ones who are good at school but they care more about there confidence and boys and how good they look.. they go through lots of boys in school.. they are small and skinny and good at lots of things especially attracting boys.. and its always the boys with confidence and are also best at everything.. the worst of these types of girls is when they think that they are better then everyone else.. and they think there life is already planned out they can just have there looks get them through everything and if that doesnt work there is always daddys back pocket these girls dont have to work or do anything.. they think by getting some panzy job will give them a reason to say daddy doesnt buy anything for them and that the are poor.. trust me we all know your hiding it and no one cares.. also i hate when these girls get emotional just because uh ken broke up with me.. shut up fucking barbie and go to your fucking whole in the ground where everyone likes you becuase your fucking shallow.. i must say that the good thing of these girls is that they do have confidence even though looks and money definatly give them the opportunity for there confidence but they do have it and they have lots of fun and make life enjoyable they live it up to the fullest.. example.. the girls who moved the other girls' stuff.. i honestly cant say i know what i would put myself as.. im not smart.. my family doesnt have money that we can waste on luxery.. i do have to work for things.. i have friends that i think care.. ive lost a lot because i am not with them often as i dont have classes with them.. im close friends with new people and i also have a friend again that has found someone else.. then theres the other one who has practically left us.. it almost seems like things are falling apart but they arent.. because i wont let them.. every year i have a trouble getting through the winter.. but this year i have confidence.. i have eric.. i will get through it and dont want any trouble.. i sometimes wish that some of my older friends talked to me more often.. i wish i didnt have as many problems as i did last year.. i wish that things would have been a bit different last year.. i wish that i wouldnt be such an ass after i get sick of people.. ive done it quiet a few times.. i hate how fake my old friends can be around me to why is it so hard to be yourself you dont have to show me anything.. honestly i only care for the truth and your happiness.. my friends of success.. eric- amazing at being eric.. brings me up makes me happy.. is my best friend gives me confidence.. and is always there for me.. theres so much to do with him and have fun no matter what it is.. just bein in his prescence makes me happy. he is a hard worker and works for everything.. has goals and sticks to them until there totally done.. loves his car and improving it.. wants a firebird and will probably get it.. because he wants it.. but he doesnt have to ask his daddy to buy it for him possibly help him but not make daddy pay for it.. he will do it himself.. he has found his new favorite thing which is make apple pie and rub it in my face that he made it and that it is the best pie and no one elses is better which adorable.. which is the other amazing thing about him.. he can be the cutest thing.. he has the cutest expressions and is always looking cute.. he can always make me laugh.. and i suck at tickling him.. sarah-gone. i feel so far away from her but i know its not her fault i love and miss her so much as i never ever get to see her.. i dontknow what she is like right now.. i dont know what she is up to half the time.. all i know is that she is in swimming and has chad luckily there for her.. i call and talk to her as much possible and wont let her go.. i only look forward to doing hockey cuz she will be there.. other then that i really dont want to do it except for the games.. she is an amazing swimmer.. sarah is my other best friend.. she stays by my side.. and sadly to her me and alyssa seem to be her only friends at the time. alana-almost gone. she has changed so much she has been the recent one to find someone else and be totally changed by there personality.. she cant even hang out with us half the time because she is already committed to someone else.. but i still love her even though were not her true friends.. jk.. even though she did honestly say that to us. alana sits with me at lunch.. just me.. and just her.. it almost makes us look like theother two girls except we talk and have stories and so much in life to share.. alana has cool colored hair and seems as a very artsy person i wonder if she is good at drawing i guess i wouldnt know.. but we have ceramics together 3rd term.. she gets paranoid when ppl hear us talking.. grant-sometimes is my savior.. he always makes me laugh.. and whenever i did have problems last year he stuck by my side.. and even though he and eric have differences i relize that and deal with it.. i cant stop what they think of each other.. grant has found trisha as well and seems happy with her too.. grant is an amazing singer and good at acting he is very talented.. grant and i always have things to share.. i share every secret with him i think which there isnt much i guess but i share my thoughts with him.. but sometimes can be bad as i nkow he tells everyone everything.. except i dont think he does with mine.. he keeps it to himself. jessica-i feel far from her.. i dont have music with her anymore.. even when i did though i guess i didnt really get to talk to her much except in colorguard where we had lots of fun.. its so wierd to think that last year we were so close yet this year we seem so far.. mostly because of last year.. last year we did so many things in like october and november and last summer but things all went down hill im excited for having ceramics and french with her. her and i can be trouble together for teachers and any other group of things with a leader we seem to be able to take control and be bad lol.. were cool.. she has recently lied to tanner about her having a boyfriend which kind of saddens me.. its funny but it kind of saddens me that she has to lie to someone who only treats her nicely and then in return they have to feel bad. joanna-has always been a friend she is amazing at taking pictures recently she has definatly found a good art.. she is a sweet girl.. she is always having a crush and its cute.. like last year during french.. and she is always really pretty she is cute in her own ways and has a bit of her own style.. she likes the simplist things which is so cool.. she can find things that you wouldnt think of and she has a big view on life.. in what i see thats what i think.. she has a nic for making little things that coolest thing.she also likes good green tea. chelsey and kenny- are cool they like the stangist things sometimes little kid things.. chels and i talk of our boys together all the time she is silly i love her kenny used to not like me but i think he does now.. which is cool cuz i hate when ppl dont like me and im sorry if you dont i guess.. but you must really not know me if you dot like me.. sam johnson-is the coolest person in the world she is so funny and makes e laugh i hug her almost every single day.. and she has a best friends key chain with eric.. sam and i used to be friends when we were like in elementry school.. so its cool to be her friend.. i want to eat pband j sandwiches with her sometime cuz her grandma used to do that all the time. lindsey- is sams little sister i remmeber hanging out together when we were younger it was the coolest of things and its so wierd to see how much she has changed.. i love bringing back memories of there dads house but they never seem to add any cool memories.. so i figure i will just stop as itmakes me feel stupid.. lindsey i strangely can think of her laugh its the one thing that sticks out.. its funny.. just like her i guess.. Bailie-my long time friend ive known since forever.. if you want to know someone thats always been there then this is your girl.. i love her to death we've recently been able to do more stuff together.. which was awesome.. its so wierd to see her grow up with me.. but apart from me more so now.. but its still so wierd.. its wierd to think of how much she has changed but then again how much she still is the little bailie ive always known.. little billie bob.. who we always used to say was forest gump sounding and asked me to come ova to her hause.. haha it was cute.. i think it will be even wierder when were older and she has little girls running around just like she did.. it will be cute.. and thinking of bailie with boys.. haha its wierd.. haha little billie and boys.. haha.. and she is the best to play dominos with. theres ppl i conclude as friends but dont have much to write of them. plus i dont know if im concluded as there friends so im not gonna make a fool of myself and put them on here.. as these ppl should know im there friend but i guess if they dont feel the same way then i guess they dont sorry to them.. this is huge.. dont read it.