she ruined my day yes im stating it is a she.. i already wrote this and it was deleted fucking damnit.. ugh. i cant type it again as it wont be the same.. not as good quality as the first. the first time you right your feelings down is the time that counts the most.. thats when the true part comes out.. a similatity to before but still not the same..: well i prety much am mad at her as she made me think of how ppl do talk about me behind my back.. and to my good friends too well at least she used to be a good friend until i guess now.. maybe she does not like me.. oh well.. ugh i just am dissapointed i guess im not good enough to be in colorguard i guess if it has to be that way then let it.. but i really do want to be in it like my heart is committed to it and i really really want to do it.. like i practice and i never ever ever have practiced anything before like i never have ever ever practiced band or orchestra i never practice sports i sometimes have practiced voice but like thats cuz this year i wanted to do good cuz i tried i didnt want to do good just because it comes naturally.. i wanted to do good because i practiced and worked hard and didnt just prepare the night before.. i want to practice for colorguard cuz i want to do good and i enjoy doing it and it is fun and it just is a great opportunity and it is soo coool and ugh im not good enough though its not me.. im totally not as good as everyone else.. oh well then ill just get cut and cry a bit cuz its something i want to do..and then i will suck it up and go back to living life having to listen to my friends talk about how much fun it is and stuff.. i know i will be sad and dissapointed if i dont get in as i know that my heart is set to it.. its so much fun like its not like my other sports where its good and bad.. its like all good.. like in soccer its like shooting and scoring and just running around on the field for a purpous and doing something and just kicking the ball is awesome and in hockey when you get the puck and try to get down the ice and your doing good and the crowd is cheering for that little bit.. and then golf when its good days and you hit so good that your opponents are like wow you are really good that is when those sports are good but they can be bad too like in soccer when you have to do drills or when you dont do great or if you get hurt or when your team sucks ultimatly and then in hockey when you dont play much or dont do good or never get in on the puck and in golf when you are having an off day and suck really really bad but i dont think that colorguard could ever ever get that way as its like amazing fun and even if i had a bad day it would motivate me more to go home and practice.. uh this is nothing compared to before but oh well.. im just dissapointed in youd say anything that could hurt me to someone else.. it hurt me bad today.