alone,... yes.. yes.. once again.. its upsetting me sarah about how you think your fat and have all of these problems and stuff and like in january me and you had a big thing about guys and how were losers well your leaving me and you probably dont relize it cuz your caught up in your own things.. and like now you have somone and you do these things such as letting your "shield" down and i relize what your "shield" is you need to fucking STOP and it makes me sad how you can do something to yourself and say its for you cuz i know its not for you its for everyone else to see you and you say you have no one to talk to but i have the same problems but sarah you need to freakin relize the freakin fact that you need to stop caring what others think and now after these things you probably think that they work because a guy notices you now, well your wrong a guy doesnt notice you just because of whatever, but he notices you because your naturally pretty and your a normal healthy size for our grade you need to stop what your doin to yourself cuz relize that a boy didnt notice you because of what your doin to yourself and your fuckin lucky to have someone and like youve been soo close with things with so many different guys and i felt for it and yet you kept complaining and complaining and you have had ben and just as much as you might think you might not have had derrick you had him and you just wouldnt let yourself believe it because you wouldnt want to because you could only think of the "bad" things that came to mind about yourself and like my sister says sarah you cant date someone unless your comfortable with yourself and i didnt exactly believe/understand but i think i do now like to me sometimes i think of myself and im like fuck no and theres other times im happy and satisfied with myself and you your the exact same way like friday night you were mad for what was all being talked about and it made you feel bad well then yesterday you had to have pretty damn good thoughts and pretty good feelings about yourself and you should, cuz i can look you in the eyes and say theres nothing wrong with you and your pretty and your a skinny girl and that you need to stop tearing yourself down and i dont want this entry to be wasted just like all my other ones cuz my life isnt worth writing down or typing but i do it anyway for me to let it all out and to let erica know and to just let it out and all i want to say is that your lucky and you should be happy and all of that january/hockey season bullshit is all gone now and you have someone but its still there for me and will be for a while cuz i give up on boys i need to concentrate on better things in life and boys are not at the top of my priorities and i dont know if ill follow by it because i know myself and i know that ill be talking about them lots but thats me and just lately things have sucked and im not very pleased with everything around me and i just want you to be happy and stop hurting yourself and you might read this and be like bullshit just shut up jessica or youll read and be like k whatever and ignore all of it or youll do all that i ask and just take it in and relize YOUR NOT FAT,YOUR NOT UGLY, AND BOYS WILL LOVE YOU,AND THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE A HIGH SELF ESTEEM and if you do go out with him when you decide you guys dont want to date each other anymore which could be for a long time into the future if you let it last, but just remember not to let yourself back dont ever go back to what you were friday and dont tell me no, just do it and stop worrying about boys because obviously with all those boys and what they were saying about you, you should have no problems because you were obviously "hot" ( i wouldnt say that cuz i dont really call girls hot cuz thats kind of like lexbie and i dont sail that way ) i say girls are pretty and beautiful and your one of them and you have no worries and just fuckin stop it and just i dont want this to piss you off and i dont want you to get mad at me because of what ive all said and right now your probably like "how can i not get mad" or your like "damnit jessica stop trying to read my fuckin mind it pisses me off" ppl tell me that they hate it when i put words in there mouths but its what i do so ya whatever im just gonna stop goin on ill just shut the hell up yesterday seeing erica was glorious i love her soo much and if that kid ever says another fuckin thing ( doughtful that id do what im typing but ya --->) ill kick his ass and ill be there to keep him away and never come back ill kick his ass so hard he wont be able to come back( <--- wish i could do that but hmm ya) all i can say is im always there to catch erica if she ever falls and when she comes home for krissys wedding ian better be damn nice and better not fall into the influence or others and diss things that erica might like, so much last night sucked by the way good for sarah bad for jessica ill be there to catch you as you fall my dears i had one more thing to say for you sarah but i forgot it hmm...