Hey Ash, I've been up all night, and its 4:30 here. All I can think about is the fact that I'm going to be there soon.... I want to do something special for you, but I can't think of anything that would really stand out. I spent like 2 hours tonight trying to write a song for you, but I gave up when I tried to sing it to myself and the very thought of singing on front of you made me so nervous I couldn't even get the first few lines out. So that idea got killed really quickly. So then I figured I'd try the whole poetry thing, but I just couldn't get it right.... I'm really self-conscious about that sort of thing. I'm a great actor, but when it comes to expressing my own emotions I've always had a really difficult time. Its probably the one thing that I really dislike about myself... sometimes I feel like I'm not comfortable in my own shoes, you know? I just really want to do something romantic for you, something you'll never forget. Something personal. Like cooking you dinner is romantic and all, but I just have this desire to do something over-the-top for you... like anyone can cook, right? Any guy could just take you out to a movie, or something like that. I want to somehow set myself apart... but I just can't get past the nervousness. So rather than trying to write a poem, or play a song, because I can't come up with anything that I think is good enough for you, I'm just going to blurt out everything and hope that it comes across as romantic and not creepy. Ashley, we first started talking 7 years ago. You were the first person to ever send me a message on Nex. It took us 3 years to fall in love with one another.... and its only gotten stronger as time went on. That night 4 years ago when I was laying on my bed, talking to you, and somehow I knew that you were going to tell me that you loved me, I was nervous as all hell. I was so scared that I was going to make a fool of myself, that you'd get to know me better and that I'd let you down. Its been so many years since then.... and you know me better than anyone. And I still feel that way. I don't feel like I'm good enough for you, I'm constantly nervous that one day you'll realize that I'm not the man you think I am and I'll lose you. Kind of silly, huh? I'm worried about the person who knows me best realizing that I'm not as great as they think I am. I Love You. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, by such a long shot that all the other ladies in my life would be embarrassed by how much you've blown them out of the water if only they knew. Every love song I hear I think of you. Every time I listen to Hedley I'm back in Drumheller with you. Every time I hear Lips of an Angel, all I can think of is you (and how eerie it is that the guy in the music video looks so goddamn much like me). You're the most amazing girl in the entire world. You're gorgeous, and so intelligent, and so self-reliant it drives me nuts. You're a stubborn bitch sometimes, and it just makes me love you more and more. Things that piss me off about everyone else just make me love you more, and it confuses me to no end. The more I read that damn book about love, the more I realize that I'm absolutely lovesick lately. I'm usually such a calm, rational guy.... but you just turn me into the most irrational nutbag, you know? The last time I saw you, I just dropped everything I had and ran to you.... like I was in the middle of reading a freaking article in the *final* issue of Dragon, and I damn near tossed the magazine in the trash in my rush. I can't wait to see you. My only wish is that I'm not going to disappoint you by not being the guy you think I am; there I go again, being scared that the person who knows me best somehow doesn't know me. You make me into a fool, you know that? But I should wrap this up, or else I'm going to ramble forever. I Love You. I've Loved you for more years than I've known some of my closest friends. And it doesn't look like its going to slow down any time soon. My only wish is that you feel the same. I can't wait to hear your voice tomorrow. And I can't wait to feel your arms around me. Ash, everything has fallen into place. I don't think you'll ever get a better, clearer shot than this. I Love You. Always have been, and always will be yours, ~Nick, the nervous lovesick fool. "All of my life you were the one; the one who left me breathless, Just when I'd fall you'd pick me up and prove your love is endless, And through my heart I saw this voice I'll stand and live for the truth, You'd never leave but I keep running after you, I'm always running" Ashley King December 6 at 4:43pm *tear rolls down cheek* i love you. and you did do soemthing over the top romantic you loved me back you stayed in cobntact with me through everything you are my special soemthing. and your all i need. Nicholas Corey Walls December 13 at 4:07am Rather than sending you another novel about my love for you, I figured I'd just send a small letter this time. I've been thinking about you lots, and I want you to know that I really, truly love you. The more I look at my life, the more detail I observe and the further back I look, I've come to realize that I've not truly loved any other but you. I cared for all the girls I've ever dated; but very few of them were the sort that I could never get out of my head. Even fewer were those who made me nervous about whether or not I deserved them. With all of them, I knew that I could move on from them and find another just like them if I needed to. But you're different. I could never, not on this world or any other, find another Ashley. No other guy or girl can make my day infinitely better by only a 3 word text message. No other person, ever, has made me lose sleep thinking about them. Only once before in my life have I dedicated my entire effort into a single event, one that I'm sure you'll enjoy when I spring it on you. Just the thought of kissing you makes my knees weak; and then I just think. I think, and enjoy the feelings that you inspire in me with such a simple thought. Maybe I did love them; but if thats the case, then I'm sure that you and I have created an emotion all our own. Surely, the world has not seen love like ours in a very long time. I'm very flattered that it chose me to be the lucky guy to know what it feels like. And I'm undeniably thankful that the woman the world has thrown me towards is also its most beautiful. One day I'll deserve a girl as divine as you. Until then, I hope you can make do with the man I am as I lay my heart out before you. ~Nick