Thsi is a letter from Nick: Hey Ash, Get settled in, because I can tell already that this is going to be a long letter. Its 3:30 here, and I have plenty to say... so if you don't have the time, I suggest you come back and read it another time. *sigh* alright, here we go. 12 hours on the bus, as well as much time at home thinking and reading has given me lots of thoughts that are worth expressing. I thought about who I was, and who we were. I went back and read the MSN convo you sent with me, and that in turn caused me to dig up your old journal entries and look more into our past, into who we are together as well as apart. It brought up more than just those entries; memories flooded me, from a time when our conversations were much less mature, and much more fun. The thing is, Ashley, we've both changed. Its not just me. You've become much more serious, or at least you seem that way. There was a time when we could just play stupid word games back and forth. We'd get one another to guess what music we were listening to without even the vaguest hint. It may have just been the week when I was out there, but I remember you being much more laid back, and much less caring about the small details. You put work into your look these days... and you never used to. Its not a complaint, I think you look stunning regardless, but an observation. Looking at old photos of you, its easy to see why you used to be considered just one of the guys by most of your friends. Just clothes, nothing too sexy or special, and no makeup that I can see in any of the pics. But now, you've got all these products you use... I can't help but find it somewhat ironic that I've heard you complain that it was so much easier when you were 'one of the guys' and it wasn't that everyone wanted you so badly... but then you put forward the effort to look as attention-grabbing as you do. Its somewhat of a paradox.... it seems that you put effort into something you don't want. I love your current style, it inspires quite colorful dreams at night for me, but its undeniably attention-grabbing. Thats all up to you though, because I love you any way you look. I loved you then, I thought you were gorgeous then... and I think you're gorgeous now. So I want you to know I'm not stating any prefference.... its just my interested observations. When I was reading your old journal entries, some of my most cherished memories came back to me. I hadn't thought about it in forever, but I actually remember when you ran from the party home just to call me and tell me that you love me... I remember exactly where I was when you called. I remember exactly where I was when you told me... it made my night, and the few times you've done that since then have just been great. When was the last time you did something like that for any guy you were with? I read about how you felt about me... and I want you to know that I'm sorry for not putting you absolutely first in the past. I've been a selfish bastard in years past, and I regret it. Maybe if I hadn't screwed things up back then, today would be a different life for us to live. I was really a jackass there for a while. And I want you to know that its done... I know that you can't know for sure, but mark my words, I've grown up and I'm a changed man. The last time I promised not to date anyone and wait for you, I broke that promise with Tammy. Such will not be the case this time. We were both so much younger in Drumhellar.... looking at these photos its hard to believe thats really us there, with one another. I only hope that one day we can be so happy again. Because I can see it in your eyes then, and I can see it in mine.... we were just so perfectly content to hold eachother. Even in the freezing cold, because it was comfortable. I hope that the hard times in your life havn't robbed you of your affection. It was one of the things I enjoyed the most about you when I was down in Drum. We've loved one another for such a long time. Until I took a look back, right back to the start of it all, I didn't realize just how long its been since our night of confessions. And until you sent that letter with me, I'd completely forgotten about my drunken telltale letter about my feelings for you. If you're looking for it, the entry that sticks out most in my mind as a real "starting" point for our romance was titled "The Swirls Change..." I saved it onto my computer so I can go back and read it if I ever need cheering up in the coming months of hardship. I really love you, and I have for so long. And I know you love me too, for just as long. It will be an interesting start for our book, surely. But to be honest, I think the most interesting point to write will be the point we're living in right now. The chapters surrounding our lives right now are sure to be the most dramatic and enjoyable to read. How will our heroes come through this intact? How will they wind up together, when the world conspires against them? Be sure to continue tuning in to your life... you'll find out sometime. I know I'll still be here. Same Tiger Time. Same Tiger Channel. Same Emotions, thankfully enough they don't ever come with an expiry date. ~Nick "You can trust me not to drink And not to sleep around And if you don't expect too much form me You might not be let down Cos all I really want's to be with you And feel like I matter too If I didn't blow the whole thing years ago I might be here with you Tomorrow we can drive around this town Andlet the cops chase us around The past is gone but something might be found to take it's place"