As i open the medicine cabinet door in the bathroom and let my hand glide across some of the perscription and vitamin bottles... i think to myself "i'll just take one for my jaw" you see i have these little blue pills the my doctor gave me to help not grind my jaw at night. Honestly up untll now itt's worked pretty well. And to be honest i've never been the "get hooked" type. I've been taking them off and on for about 3 years now. I never need them for long. However i still have these little oval shaped blue pills that get me right fucked. I've had the same pill bottle for... are you ready for this?.... 10 years. No joke. these little guys make me halusinate like you wouldn't bileave. The worst part? i can't remember my trips. I honest to god need a baby sitter if i take them. Not for anything big! I just don't want to fall and hit my head mostly. Anyways if i take half i can remember my trips... so obviously i take half.

My had picks up the first little blue pills but i stop... and i just stare. Stare into the cabinet as if something else was in there. As if i needed a sighn. A thought trickled threw my head... a faint thought enterend into my brain and with great hesitation my hand slowly reached for the second bottle of blue pills instead. Tucked behind some neocitron and malitonin there lay the 10 year old pill bottle. Label worn away to nothing. And as i opened it and poured the contents out, the thoughts off all my trips from these little chalky blobs rushed through my head. I thought about all the things i had been trying to file away in my head, about al the things i had ever gone through. I took out one half pill. It's powdery contents crumbling slightly in my hand.

As i closed the cabinet i stared at the reflection in the mirror... i looked at my soft, shiney, purple hair all pinned up with a few strands trickling down my neck... and my tan i had gotten from the days off i had spent on the beach with my new friend. When i looked at my reflection... the strange part was i wasn't scared. I wasn't scared that maybe i could easily turn into my mother - addicted to prescription meds. I wasn't afraid i could turn into my dad - addicted to everything. Or even my brother - MIA in his sweet socisio path world... i was pround of my self for knowing when enough is enough, and stoppping things that i was "born into". I, even if no one else was, was fucking proud of myself. I took the half pill, looking down at the pill bottle noting to myself i could have taken the whole thing, or even a cocktail of pills... but i didn't. In fact as i sit here waiting for that little blob to kick in, i'm still checking on my boyfriend asleep in the next room, dabbing his head and neck with a cold cloth so he doesn't over heat.

good night all, and just please try not to let your selfs get carried away with pills and shit. know your limits.

Later Days

*~Ashley~*