Dear Jordan,

I want you to get speechless when i step out of the shower, water dripping off my body, making it shine smooth and soft. I want you to love the way i always want to wear paperclips as earings because i feel it definds some hidden corner of me. I want you to adore the way i always want to do things on my own and refuse help but sometimes, and only sometimes!, I need it from time to time. I want you, when you come into my room, to scan it and breath in my sent. I want you to hunt like a kid for a new item or something you never noticed before and wait with great anticipation for the story that goes with each object you find. I want you to laugh at how much i secretly love my stelettos and often try to look for an excuse to wear them. I want you to get that shy and excited smile on your face when you notice me checking you out. I want you to hold me like you always do... like you'll try and protect me from whatever tries to get me. I want you to put up a fight and then eventually let me help you when you are wounded or sick. I want you to kiss my forhead good bye when you leave and i'm fast asleep. I want you to want to make your own life better because i bileave in you and you know that. I want you to get as excited graduating (if you actually didn't drop out) as you did when you fist sighned up and we went out for dinner to celebrate. I want you to take care of me when i'm sick and run to the store for orange juice at 8am because i can barely get out of bed and not only do you know that i am so thankfull but you can hurry back to see that look of adoration on my face. I want you to talk about the things you want to do in life, the things were going to do in life and the things that you've learned. I want you to support me. I want you to respect me. I want you to love me. I want you to be there for me when i tell you i need you and when my world is crubling. I want you to be able to say sorry. I want you to know that i adore you. I want you to be able to remember all the rest of the things you love about me and want nothing in return from me (even if i have alot to return). I want you to want me to do better. I want you to light up when you see me. And through all these wants... even if it never happens again... even if in the end you can't stand the independant, bad spelling, sassy, caring bunny that i am... i want you to know that what i NEED is me. I can get through life with or without you.

.... but the good Jordan... the one that i know and like so much and try and stand by through all his shit.... That's the Jordan that i want.

sincerly,

the one who you hurt, the one who you claimed you loved, the one you may never say sorry to,

-Ashley