Hey Ash, I know that you told me about the whole hospital thing on your birthday... and you told me how bad it was tonight, like how close you were, it didn't really hit me. But then I went and looked at some old journal entries if yours (you know, trying to figure out what I missed out on when I was dating Jackie) and I found the one about your birthday. And thats kinda when it hit me, when I was reading that. We almost lost you. I almost lost you at a time when I should have been closer to you. No wonder you were so upset about me not being as close to you while I was with Jackie. I don't know what I would have done.... because of how hard it would have been to get ahold of me with Jackie keeping close watch on who I was talking to, I might not have made it out for your funeral if you would have passed away. I might have lost you forever without having even known it until far too late to say goodbye. And its entirely possible that I might just have never known... most of your friends don't really know me, so I might have been overlooked with the notifications. I would have just thought that you wanted nothing to do with me, and was ignoring all of my emails. I might not have found out for years. I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. It was when I was looking the other way that something horrible like that happened, and I wish I could have been there for you. I'm sorry for not being your knight when you needed one. I'm sorry. And from now on, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be your knight whenever you need me, even if you never need me again. But until you want me to leave, I'll stand guard. Because I Love You. And I never should have left before. ~Nick